You took it away

You took away my one source of pain relief and took away my back up. I can barely come up with ideas around it so you don’t fucking know. I can’t cut because you’ll see it. I can’t drink because then I can’t drive to see you. I sat in the shower trying to boil myself alive and it barely worked. I am falling apart inside and I can’t do anything to distract myself from the internal pain. My only hope is this goddamn lighter but that pain doesn’t leave much of a scar. And the visual reminder helps me too. You left me but here we still fucking are. We talk everyday and we can’t let go. And I need us to let go or work through it because I really can’t do this much longer.