Everyone wants it both ways. I’ve fucking destroyed myself to give the people I care about everything, even when it crosses my boundaries, even when it fucking killed me. What the hell am I supposed to do? I fucking drop anything, and I mean nothing to anyone I care about, and that will kill me worse. I try to do everything and that kills me, too. It’s not like I have any direction on my own, so why shouldn’t I drop everything to wholly serve those I care about? What the hell else would I do? I have nothing going for me; I’m fucking pathetic. If I pull out of the relationships I care about most, I have nothing. I will rot, and I won’t care enough to get myself back up. If I don’t, I wear myself down to a worthless nothing.
I’m a coward, so I’ll let life play out and destroy me as it chooses to.