I’m so insanely tired. I just slept for the best part of 10 hours, and somehow I’m still tired. There’s just nothing in the tank. My body aches. My mind is numb. I have no drive to do anything.
What’s my motivation here? To try to suffer a little bit less? Seems sensible. But I can’t bring myself to actually care. The things I actually want from life are fantastical/delusional. All I’m left with is damage control – trying to limit the pain. However bad it is right now, it can get so much worse.
But emotionally, I’d rather just stop.
3 comments
Here’s all I can tell you: if you think your dreams are delusional, i think it’s exciting, wonderful and thrilling! These kind of dreams are what makes us us. <3
Feeling like the things you need to be content are impossible doesn’t seem wonderful or thrilling – more dispiriting and depressing. These kinds of things are what make me miserable, but obviously your mileage may vary. Having something to strive for is great, but when you know that it’s never going to happen, it’s kind of a bummer.
Been having these same exact thoughts lately. No drive to do anything except to avoid more pain. After a while that wears thin, and it becomes easier to accept/absorb the pain. In order to continue functioning, we absolutely need (at least once in a damn while) some sort of positive motivation. But I don’t think it’s possible for depressed people to generate that within themselves, it HAS to come from an external source. We can’t just say “today I’m going to have a great day!” like some people can. Those people generally don’t end up suicidal, but we do.
Anyway, I just tried a miserably failed attempt to use alcohol to motivate me, positively. Like “ok I’m going to grab a shot of whisky and then organize my finances” sort of thing. It worked for 1 day and now I’m plunged into a far worse paralyzed suicidal depression.
The only other thing I can think of to get positive motivation (which I’ve never tried, but it works for others) is start some kind of social media account and join one of those fluffy positive groups, you know like where you can post how many miles you walked and everyone is like COOL YOU ROCK. Or a hobby forum. Whatever. I’m sure that motivation won’t last long either, but like I said we need to find it from some external source, and if you don’t have people in your life to be that source, you gotta make fake e-friends.