I somehow need to overcome this impasse in myself. To either decisively end things, or to fully commit to survival. My current approach is the worst of all worlds – failing to function, exposing myself to ever greater pain and suffering.
My emotions are in a terrible state. They refuse to accept the reality I live in. But they also won’t accept leaving it once and for all.
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You’re in a state of Limbo.
Some might say that’s the worst place to be but I beg to differ,
dead is worse.
You’re not failing to function, you’re just not functioning healthy.
Some people are pretty blatant with their posts but not you, you have a more vague, delicate approach. Which tells me you’re intelligent. Intelligent enough to acknowledge this thing that is eating at you. Now you just need to find the source. There’s a reason you’re exposing yourself to greater pain and suffering.
It’s there.
It’s a battle. The battle never ends. And if for some reason you do win the battle the war never ends. It’s always one battle until the next because that’s just how it is until the day we die. You just learn to count your blessings in between.