There’s something in the Bible about not killing yourself to make up for something, for that’s what Judas did, and apparently he is in hell. And while I believe hell is a myth to keep the masses in line, the doubt of just about everything is frightening.
I hate everything about my life. I hate all the people I know. I am trying to make new friends. Everyone I know disappoints and flakes, there’s so much of that going around today. And to make things worse, people are unapologetic about being dicks. I am just so tired of it. I am kind and thoughtful towards others, why can’t I attract those that are kind and thoughtful? Why must I always attract selfish pricks?
My whole life I have run. I feels good to take flight. To be repulsed. My ultimate act of repulsion would be suicide. To disappear and have everyone wonder.
I am in total and complete despair. No doubt about that. I do not want to “try” or “hang on” any longer. I have no fight left in me. I mean, I have plans for the next 6 to 10 months, plans to better myself, to get away from the festering fuck-hole of people I find myself surrounded by…but there’s a part of me that wants to quit trying and just disappear. Fuck everyone.
3 comments
“I am kind and thoughtful towards others, why can’t I attract those that are kind and thoughtful? Why must I always attract selfish pricks?”
It’s very hard to find kind people these days because they we’re rare now and what’s left to us are those who like to take advantage of those rare kind ones… but don’t loose hope you might find the right person who would treat u nice and fairly in an unexpected time.. Honestly speaking i’m also looking for that one :p
Hey, why is this that every time I think I am the one suffering. I meet somebody or hear from somebody who is in the same position? Guess what I am EXACTLY the same. Why is it that even I cannot get some good friends? Some good people to talk to, some body to have a nice conversation with?
Why the heck is this life so screwed up?
But I will tell you just one thing that differentiates us, and that is, I never ever think about suicide. I do not want to end my life. Believe me, my life is so fucked up; you cannot even imagine even in the very hideous of your dreams.
But heck, hang on.
I said “I am in total and complete despair. No doubt about that. I do not want to ‘try’ or ‘hang on’ any longer.” And WildboarTremor tells me to “hang on”. You know, I appreciate you responding, but come on, are you trying to be funny to someone who is suicidal?