Over the brink

I might have killed something today and it might be my career. The thing is; if I did it really needed to die.

I’m getting blamed for other people’s screw ups, and I reached my limit. I reported it all the way up the command chain, and told HR; “I don’t want to quit, but I cannot work under these conditions.”

It all comes down to Outlook calendar. Our division manager uses outlook schedules, and wants us to as well. What that really means is that she will verbally abuse us if we don’t. Yesterday she accused us of fraud for not keeping accurate outlook schedules. Then today I’m getting blamed for something way above my pay grade. I’m fine solving upper level problems, but you better give me the backing to solve them. As such, I turned her and her whole crooked scheme in. I may or may not have a job after this, but then again it might be her as well, or her alone.

Suddenly there was no need to hold back, to say the right things, to try and preserve anything because it was already over the edge; she communicated quite clearly that I could not have an independent thought or action under her rule. Hence, either I topple her or find someone else to supervise me. It feels quite similar to when I walked out of my first marriage. On one hand it hurts because I’m killing something I love. On the other hand, I’ve been trying so hard to try a peaceful resolution, it feels GOOD to hurt someone. How sick is that? I’ve run out of care, out of passion and out of empathy. I tried my best, today I found out my boss had been bragging about my work to people above her. Huh, that’s not how she treated me.

Eventually what happened was I started asking myself if I deserved to be constantly insulted by my supervisor… and I decided that I don’t. Take whatever you want, I don’t care anymore, not enough to put up with this. So, complaints made to appropriate entities and it is unclear what will happen from there. The point is; either we move forward or we decay, and I’m done decaying.