One additional night in the hospital – Feeling Terminal

I’d stop in a heartbeat if my mother felt like you do now. After my stepdad’s funeral,

She’d call me and we’d talk for hours. Sometimes, she’d cry, until

we talked long enough to remember the good times, old memories, the funny ones.

When they met, he lived in a trailer littered with insulin needles. He didn’t have toes

on one foot and couldn’t really get around. He was also a bad hoarder- junk all over

the place. He was stubborn to leave the junk behind, too, God, so stubborn, but

my mom gave him the boot about leaving it and he obediently did. Gave up

smoking under command too, makes me chuckle… he did everything she said if it was

reasonable. She was a bad alcoholic when they met. She was in her mid-sixties back

then. She hardly drank after they married. They did everything together, you know,

same shows, puzzles, diabetic dinners, gossip about dumbass family members-

but now, seven-eight years later, he passed away. My mom had to move out of the

home they shared, into a one bedroom apartment, and had to grieve all alone during

this shit-wreck pandemic. With heart failure, nobody could really visit her- too risky.

Thankfully, there’s a phone to check on her with. The change she had to go through

felt rough, but I think her duty to look after people helped her keep her mind off of

this big change. She’s also quite nosy about what the neighbors are doing / wondering

if they’re going through trouble etc. She isn’t a closed off person, when she was upset

she cried, I mean, bawled. You seem like you’re more like my father, pinned up,

someone that puts everybody else first. He literally built a deck made of wood after

his divorce. Didn’t talk about things. He felt like it was selfish of him to cry, it isn’t.

Don’t cry alone like he did. It’s okay to be the weakest person in the room. People

care. you’re important to them- don’t leave them behind thinking it wouldn’t hurt

them tremendously.

(she also lost her sister during this shitty pandemic.)

sorry you’re going through this crap.