I am 16, and I know that I will be dead in a couple of months. Over the last two years, I’ve thought about life and death a lot. It just doesn’t seem to be worth it, living in a world that is deteriorating as I write. I don’t want to slave the rest of my life away at a job either, and pursuing alternative options seem either require money or to be too risky.
There isn’t really a benefit to me living, anyways. When people tell you to not kill yourself, they always bring up family and friends. Whenever I think about how my people will react after I’m dead, I never feel bad for some reason. I swear I am not trying to be edgy, I just feel so detached from everything that everything feels the same now. At least my family will have more money to spend when I die because there is one less person to take care of!
I am waiting for November for the weather to cool down a bit around, and that’s when I will kill myself (I’m not stating the method bc idk if that’s allowed). I don’t think I am going to write a long emotional suicide letter, probably just a quick “sorry”, “it’s nobodies fault”, and “please live on”. I will bury my computer and phone in a tightly sealed box in my backyard, because I definitely don’t want people snooping around my internet history, haha. I’ll probably take some cute pictures before I die though, so my funeral photo will be nice. I was also thinking of writing some cryptic messages to cause a little chaos and waste some peoples time, but it will probably be a little mean to my family. I’ll have to think of a specific day to prepare my suicide, but I have a vague plan already and it makes me look forward to something in this dull life of mine.
4 comments
Life is a struggle, it is suppose to be, the only reason to live is to pursue your dreams. Do you have any? If so then you need to stick around.
So you know, someone, somewhere, was just thinking of you, and just because you cant see it, someone out there cares about you. I wish you the best:)
I thought I was going to take my life before. It’s how I found this site. Many years ago. Did my research for month before choosing how and all……..never planned a day or picked one ahead or anything………just woke up that morning and it just felt like……this is the day. So I told myself it was. Obviously I didn’t fully go through with it or this comment couldn’t be written. You can actually find a lot of the events in my previous posts as one was my note for that day…….I can understand your feelings. I still feel that way time to time myself. I do not believe my situation is just a mental disorder or anything like that. To me the statement ignorance is bliss is more of a disregarded understatement in life. People can’t understand what they do not see…….though you do not always want to see everything to understand it either. And certainly not too early when you cant yet even comprehend it. I am not one to tell you to live or take your life. I stay in the middle for everyone. That is your choice. It’s your life. Life can have its ups and it will also have its downs. Rarely is life always easy for anyone. Life can be good though. I have made very few friends through my life compared to how lives seem to be lived and what is the “norm” though it’s been plenty of friends for me. The friendships have been strong for me as well. Without them this life probably wouldn’t have been worth living. But I can say for myself because of what people have done for me and what I’ve been able to do for them myself……….this life has been worth holding onto for now. Working never was a problem for me. Work was part of what I focused on and helped me ignore a lot of the other parts of life I didn’t care for. That part of life is being taken away from me now due to medical situations. I do not know how that is going to affect me fully yet. Your always welcome to message me or email me if your like. I’ve spoken with people from here till they took their life and I’ve spoken with people here till they decided to hold on themselves as well. It’s your choice. I’ll be someone who possibly understands your feelings to chat with if you need one. If you’d like me email let me know. If you seem legit and decent I can give you my phone number for messaging to make it easier or whatever. Good luck with your travels and what comes ahead for you.
I get all that you’re saying. Like everything you wrote, I have felt. It’s kinda reassuring to know that there’s someone out there who has felt and thought nearly the same things I have. I just wanted to let you know that you’ll have someone on the other side of the veil waiting for you.