I am 16, and I know that I will be dead in a couple of months. Over the last two years, I’ve thought about life and death a lot. It just doesn’t seem to be worth it, living in a world that is deteriorating as I write. I don’t want to slave the rest of my life away at a job either, and pursuing alternative options seem either require money or to be too risky.
There isn’t really a benefit to me living, anyways. When people tell you to not kill yourself, they always bring up family and friends. Whenever I think about how my people will react after I’m dead, I never feel bad for some reason. I swear I am not trying to be edgy, I just feel so detached from everything that everything feels the same now. At least my family will have more money to spend when I die because there is one less person to take care of!
I am waiting for November for the weather to cool down a bit around, and that’s when I will kill myself (I’m not stating the method bc idk if that’s allowed). I don’t think I am going to write a long emotional suicide letter, probably just a quick “sorry”, “it’s nobodies fault”, and “please live on”. I will bury my computer and phone in a tightly sealed box in my backyard, because I definitely don’t want people snooping around my internet history, haha. I’ll probably take some cute pictures before I die though, so my funeral photo will be nice. I was also thinking of writing some cryptic messages to cause a little chaos and waste some peoples time, but it will probably be a little mean to my family. I’ll have to think of a specific day to prepare my suicide, but I have a vague plan already and it makes me look forward to something in this dull life of mine.