I’ve Done It Again

I messed up again. Said one little wrong thing cause I was frustrated and back to being the family disappointment. Just to top fucking up things with my mom again, my brother is getting pulled into the crossfire of my mom’s anger. He hasn’t done anything wrong but of course, our mom’s anger is enough for two. Why do I always happen to screw things up? I know things for my friends and family would be so much better without me but I just can’t seem to end it. I’m too scared. I don’t fear death, not normally but the moment I stare it in the face I want to run. Why can’t I just end it? Why do I keep getting so…scared to leave the world?