anywhere, far from here, far from humanity and where i can stay and create my own little bubble world
a world where i can see my friends, go on adventures, make food, do anything i can’t do right now
i had thought long ago that by now, i would be dead or would have some sort of fulfillment in life.. but now as i grow older, i become more unsure and tired.
i’m 18 in twelve days and i’m supposed to know what to do in this life.
am i supposed to end it? am i supposed to pick some random thing to study and take classes for in college? do i work at a job where i get yelled at for the rest of my life?
i’m too tired to think of those things, the things i want to do are either terrible job choices or things i’m not even good enough at. i have no future, so why should i keep trying?
i’m going to be an adult, but i’ve always mentally developed backwards. i was always told i’m mature for my age by men who seeked to use me for pleasure, but now i’m just a child brawling her eyes out in her room.
i’ve been doing that thing again, that thing where i just lay in bed for the rest of the day while daydreaming of my own little world. i just want to escape.. the world isn’t meant for grown, whiny children like me
1 comment
Im 33 and also mature for my age and still have no idea what I’m going to do. I have just been trying to do things that feel like they are taking me in the right direction. Sometimes it’s hard and I forget why I want to do it. I find that making short term goals and long term goals for myself helps me break it all down into smaller chunks so that I can really just take it day by day. When I think about the future all together it feels like an immense wave waiting to crash down on me but when I think about the few things I need to do today and what is a future me problem, it feels more manageable.
I’m sorry the world feels overwhelming. If it helps, few people really “know what they’re doing” and in this generation, folks are more likely to do something for a while and then change to do something else. Pick something to try that seems ok and decide how much time you’re willing to give it until you re-evaluate and if that seems too hard to do today, try tomorrow or ask for help from someone you can bounce ideas off of. You got this! Growing pains hurt like shit and life does keep coming. I hope you can find strategies to keep yourself. <3