It’s my birthday Sunday. I feel nothing about it. Maybe just shame that I’m getting to be this old but still haven’t managed to really grow up. Haven’t managed to accomplish anything. Yesterday I had a meeting with the fellowship organizers about the internship they are offering this summer. I’m scared as fuck about this internship. I don’t think I could do it. That I would just be a waste of an employee. That I wouldn’t be able to complete a project. Then I think about all the times I ran away from responsibility. Senior year of high school, that data analysis project, my capstone. I don’t think I’ll make it. I think I will fail. Plain and simple failure. The whole reason I applied to grad school was because I wasn’t ready to go out in the real world. I felt that I just wasn’t any good at the real world and that I wanted to stay in the classroom. But now I’m starting to find that it probably wouldn’t have been that much different that getting a job. I don’t know. I just don’t find myself lasting in the real world. I’m scared and there’s really nothing to be done about it.
2 comments
That’s how it is trying something new and bigger than yourself. Stepping out of your comfort zone- how are you not proud of yourself- that’s so cool!
You’re thrown into more of the world you haven’t seen, appreciate diversity, appreciate yourself, and keep working hard on this dream of your’s
There’s challenges everywhere you go in life, too, obviously. :p