I know my stuff isn’t pure grade, but I think I want to try this and hope for the best. I wanted to do this on a Saturday. If I wait, then nobody will find me. Maybe I should wait and plan it out better. I’m not scared, I just feel messy. I want to feel in control. I’m a little nervous, but it’s worth it. I can’t wait for this to be over. I wish I had the energy to like, take myself out. Feels like a waste of time. I wish I could do it now. Like fresh air in your lungs. I want this so badly. My house is a little messy. Weird to be worried about right? Plus I want to be comfortable. God, I need this. Hopefully this Saturday.

Today was an awful day. I guess I’ll try again tomorrow.

Fun fact: a big name celebrity told me to drink poison out of anger, put my name and work in a song referring to me as “ugly, annoying,” and spread rumors about me before that out of anger. My shout out was on amber heard’s part on Aura. I think to rub it in. Idk. And at the end of 911, “leave” was put in after I requested the bullying stop on the video. I admitted to drinking poison while listening to it. “Leave” was the result, with the words remaining, ” “you’re so ugly”

I don’t understand it, how all of this could start here and end there, ultimately, here again. What a vampire. I used to be so pumped over her message of self love and expression, kindness. She’s evil. Lol I’m sorry, just hard to absorb, still. All of this. It will still be there when I pass on. It’s shitty, right? That lady has access to so much … Resorts for depression. The entitlement is unbelievable in that space up there. This took time, how excited I was, and how I felt good everyday with the shout-out… Idk, people like that, they blow up over really really small things. I mean, ruin you. It’s crazy to think. Lol That’s my headstone, essentially. A joke to those like her, somehow. It’s worse when you’re mentally ill. Big narcissists like that, jump when they get you can’t take care of yourself. No consequences – more for them – type thing.