I want to blow my brains out and destroy the part of my shitty mind that keeps fixating on her.
I’ve been told I should move on and I’ve been trying to that. I don’t know if I have ocd or something, but my mind is fixated on her. Even in my sleep I can’t escape.
I don’t typically have dreams but last night I had a dream about her. I went to the movies with her, we wandered around the mall, and she came to my house. It hadn’t even occurred to me that this was a dream because everything was so normal. The looked the way she always has, acted and talked the same too. She even smelled the same. I remember being ecstatic that we were hanging out again. I wanted to ask her why she stopped talking to me but I didn’t want to ruin our day. Then I woke up. yay.
It’s been over a year since I’ve spoken to her so why am I still so stuck on her? I seriously need to kill my self…
2 comments
You might be mentally ready to move on, but not emotionally. Your brain knows it’s over, but emotionally you’re still mourning the loss. Or at least that’s how it looks to me, having lost a few romantic partners.
My solution is to rub salt in the wound, try to figure out why it’s hurting, say to myself “she isn’t coming back” and try to believe it. Then later when it comes back up, repeat that. Eventually there’s just a vague numb emptiness there, and that’s what remains. I still have them from relationships that ended 20 years ago, so it never really goes away
but I’ve been with the same person for the last 10 years, and we’re as happy as anyone can be under the circumstances.
It seems you’ve grown an obsession with this person from what I’ve read. It might be in your best interest to move on and look for other woman. That thinking will keep eating away at your heart. Sometimes in life we might really find someone special and very interesting, but the feelings aren’t always neutral. When it’s a case where the girl isn’t interested, then it’s time to find another. It’s not going to be easy. Rejection can happen again and again, but you just have to keep trying. Try not to get your hopes up when meeting them and just see where things go. I know what it’s like to really like someone and they don’t like me back. It can be painful and it can be very depressing at times. I’m sure if you’re familiar with online dating, but that’s a start. There’s a few free apps, with some of them with limits, that you could try out. Hinge, okaycupid, bumble, and Pof are free ones to use. Though with pof, u can only message one person a day. Also make sure you’re not in a bad state of mind when trying to find someone. Try to be positive. It will take time. Trust me, I’ve been through it myself. I hope you one day can find someone that has the same mutual feelings as you do for them.