Being “popular”

hey <3
this is gonna be a ‘bit’ long so brace yourself
: )

i do agree with You
but
i’d say that the way You’re feeling about it has more to do with the
‘why’(s) of your specific friendship(s)
than it has to do with ‘friendship’… as a noun…
[popularity too, more on it at the end]

In my own very modest point of view
[which is probably as “not very commonly said” as your own statement :D],
in & of itself, friendship is just a form of ‘group-work’…

maybe not in a formal setting like in a classroom or an office,
but somewhat like teamwork in Sports…

In Sports, the main goal is to win every game…
To do that,
teammates collaborate & combine their efforts,
each at their own best position\talent,
so that their efforts could come together & achieve the goal: winning the game…

Friendships work the same way, it’s just that the main goal is often very subtle\hidden & often unspoken…

Also, in many cases, each friend in the group has their own personal goal that they’re trying to achieve through the friendship that they’re in…

Akin to the individual reasons for each team member, why they joined the team in the first place…

why not just play that sport randomly for fun with some random people & not really be part of anything formal or any specific group

Some players want the formality & seriousness of being in a team,

some want it as step to make a career for themselves in that sport,

some want the intensity of competition,

some want the medals & the crowd cheering,

some want the appreciation\attention of others or perhaps a particular person,

some want the approval of their parent(s),

some want to feel cool\active\busy\like they ‘have a life’

some want to be around\part of the group of persons who they see as cool\active\busy\‘having a life’

So, yeah, there’s a main, common goal for the whole team: winning every game
but
each individual one of them has their own personal reasons\motives & goals
why
they’re on the team

So why am i giving this lecture?
😀

Pretty<3
i want to encourage You to explore\think about
your
& your friends’ [real or fake]
individual motives & goals for friendship

your & their
personal ‘why’(s)

i want to also encourage You to think about the main\common goal(s) that your friend group(s) have

here are some examples:

Group goals:

*}
Experiencing\Discussing (a) Common Interest(s)
[think: science club, fashion club, hiking, diving, poetry, math, chess, etc.]
*}
Taking part in activities that are fun\enjoyable by all group members
*}
Spending connection\interesting time together that would have otherwise been spent in loneliness\boredom
[yes, for some friendships, that is actually the only main goal]

Personal Goals:
*}
Expanding Knowledge\Skills\Experience in a certain field \ several fields
*}
Fun\Enjoyment
*}
Human Connection\Interesting Time\Conversations

Doesn’t have to be close\warm relationship in any way, just simple human contact
*}
‘Tribalism’… Feeling that one is part of a group & not an easy prey that has to fend for themselves on their own
[common reason for joining gangs unfortunately, but also present in schools & work to avoid bullying\mistreatment\being singled out, etc]
*}
Social Status… being perceived by others in a certain way, getting certain privileges\advantages by being part of a certain group rather than another or being on one’s own

*}
Emotional [&Possibly ‘Practical\Material’] Support

Support through hardships, sharing of good\pleasant occasions, giving & receiving care, sharing life events, giving & receiving opinions & advice, sharing past & present experiences, sharing fears, sharing dreams,
sometimes even sharing practical\material resources:
time, effort, meals, clothes, accessories, utilities, property, rent, money…

that last one above…
is tricky

because sometimes a person could want that kind of a relationship as a 1-way street of only receiving
but
if the person truly wants it as a 2-way street\relationship
where they really give whenever & whatever they’re able to

that’s the kind of friendship that’s almost as holy & wholesome
as sisterhood\brotherhood
or as marriage

it’s almost like You have a life partner, a companion

You see Pretty,
i think most people would imagine, think of, & wish for friendship in that sense

but the truth is that what the person(s) You’re friends with actually want is sometimes something else completely
& that’s what causes the void\emptiness\meaninglessness of the friendship, which i think You might be feeling

this is not an encouragement to cut everyone out, it’s an encouragement to attempt to understand & analyze your specific situation
so that then
You could decide on what needs to be done… if anything
: )

maybe all what’s needed is that You find\have just one close friend that has the same personal ‘why’ as You
<3

i don’t want to deviate from the main topic so that this doesn’t become too much to take in
[if it isn’t already:D]
but one last point is this:

Even if [when<3]
You do find & have that awesome friendship
& it does finally ‘fix’\’fill’ the void\emptiness of friendship that You had been feeling,
& you’re no longer lonely

i’m so so sorry to have to relay to You my perspective that i think it
still
won’t ‘fix’\’fill’ the void\emptiness You’re feeling in your life as a whole

it will ‘help’
that is definitely certain i can promise You
& it will be a new feeling
& You’ll be in awe of it

but it won’t completely fix your life because it’s not an answer in & of itself

friendship is an awesome awesome tool\aid in life
but it can not be a ‘life purpose’

Same goes for popularity,
social status,
money,
a high-income job,
luxury
etc etc etc

all these ‘things’
all these belongings, ownerships, relationships

they are just life-features
& if\when You get them
[by fate\chance, or by effort]
You can choose how to best use\utilize them to achieve your purpose
but they can’t be a purpose in & of themselves

Like a sailor in the ocean
sailing on a small old boat
& then somehow manages to upgrade to a luxurious Yacht

Great, cool, good for them!
But are they any closer to shore?

They’re still in the middle of the ocean!

The Yacht is not the goal
it’s not shore

it’s only a means that ‘could’ be used to get them to shore easier\faster

Pretty…
where is your shore?
<3
: )