I can not take one more day of this. I can’t keep feeling the way I do. I can’t take one more day of eating alone. I can’t stand to see another couple holding hands. I can’t fucking take another day of seeing her.
I saw her again Tuesday morning. She was 2 feet away from me at the most, if I reached my hands out I could’ve touched her. Guess what she said to me? Nothing. Nothing at all. We were texting for a week or so. She hasn’t responded to my text in two weeks. I guess none of her new friends wanted to talk to her that week. I guess I was just a substitute.
I hate being lonely. I don’t get why I can’t make friends like everyone else. I don’t understand how people just know what to say to others and can make friends as they wish.
I’m so tired of seeing others enjoy the “best years of their life”. Sometimes it feels like this world is mocking me. In one of my classes I sit directly in front of a couple. I have to hear these two fuckers flirt and giggle for over an hour for half of the week.
At lunch, I usually sit behind the building across from the cafeteria. No one else usually sits there—which is why I eat there. But lately a group of girls have started eating there as well and they talk and laugh so loud. It’s humiliating to eat alone.
Then there’s her. I see her so often yet she and I haven’t spoken face-to-face in over two years. I see her every morning, between periods, and when I’m walking to my bus. Seeing her happy with her new friends combined with everything else fills me with an anger and sadness that I can’t describe.
I feel like crying almost everyday. I’m so unhappy. I want to enjoy my teen years but I can’t. I want memories to look back on and smile, not sob.
2 comments
I’m sorry you are going through this. However I’ll repeat what I said last time, you just have to move past this. Somehow, you have to move on. Soon it could turn into an obsession and everyone loses when that happens. Find literally anything else to fill your time. Focus on school or games or making friends of the same gender. Literally anything. Hope you find your strength.
You may not realize it now, but you’re actually in the best place to make friends and find dates.
Wait till you’re an adult, stuck in a job you don’t like with very few contacts. I’m fortunate in that I’ve retained some good friends and a few family members…all I’m missing is a great girl.
From your post I’m assuming you’re a guy. As for this girl, seriously think of her as another fish in the sea. Girls also want a guy who has his own social life…if she thought you’d be her only friend/contact, it might’ve dissuaded her.
What I’d suggest is to make some new friends…people you can chill with. Maybe join a chess or science club…or sports team if you can, though jocks are usually not as nice and friendly as the ‘nerdy’ types.
Once you have a handful of ok friends, you’ll feel more confident to approach girls. Then eventually strike up convos and you might find a match.
Try not to get too hung up on any girl, think of it as a game. You can’t fall in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same about you.
Also you’re not alone. We’ve all been there…not having any friends. But I find if you can be a bit of a joker, it draws others in. People like being around happy, upbeat people who don’t take life too seriously.
I’d love to go back to school, preferably university with the knowledge I have today. But since I have no time machine I have to deal with my situation as it is now.