I will never get to know her again. I won’t get to laugh and joke with her. I won’t get to go out with her. I will never see her smile at me. I will never get to hug her again. It makes me wish I was dead.
Life has been so painful recently, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this terrible in my life. I can’t stop thinking about her, and that makes everything feel even worse. I wish I had her to comfort me when I feel like this.
I can’t believe it’s been two years since I’ve talked to her in person. It’s been two months since she left me on read. I still miss her after all these years. I want to say I hate her—and I do somewhat—but I know that if anything were to happen to her, I couldn’t keep living.
I still hope that she’ll start talking to me again. I know that will never happen, but I still hope. I think about her all the time. I don’t sleep often anymore, but when I do, I dream of her.
I hate to see that she’s moved on. I saw her the other day with one of her new friends. She put her hand on their shoulder the same way she used to do to me. I was so jealous I felt sick. It destroys me inside every time I see her talking with someone else. I can’t even fathom the idea of her getting a boy/girlfriend.
I wish I wasn’t the way that I am. I wish I wasn’t so attached to someone that doesn’t and never loved me. I wish I could let go and let her be a bad memory.
3 comments
I know the feeling…being infatuated with someone can be exciting, but it’s just a one-sided delusion.
When I was in grade school I was ‘in love’ with this one girl for ages-let’s call her Alice (she’s a brunette) …but in my household dating was discouraged (my family was Christian).
So not only would I not get a chance to go out with her (I was planning to keep it hidden if we dated), but I was a kid around 13 and I didn’t really know how to talk to girls-in a romantic situation. I had nobody to guide me.
She and I became friends, we got close, talked on the phone for hours…but I never had the nerve to ask her out. Eventually I got to know her friend who was also really beautiful (blonde), actually I started liking her, let’s call her Sara.
One day Sara came to me out of the blue and told me in private that Alice liked me and wanted to know if I wanted to go out with her-I said I’d think about it but never really got back to her. The girl I had been deeply attracted to for ages finally wanted me as well, but I no longer had the same feelings for her.
I wish I was able to say to Sara “I used to like Alice but now I like you.” But I think she only saw me as a good friend and nothing more. Ofc I was just guessing at this point. That’s the trouble when we as kids don’t learn to properly communicate.
Had I known that Sara didn’t feel the same about me then I would’ve dated Alice, if anything to get the experience and there’s always a part of you that would still have some feelings for that person.
Anyways, our feelings towards others can change. Love is an illusion, your mind playing tricks on you to make you think this or that person is more special than someone else, for example.
I mean I still love women/girls I always will, I think it’s hardwired into me…but I also know better than to waste my time on a hopeless cause. I think that’s also why I have trouble sticking with one girl, bird in the hand as the saying goes.
If you are into a girl and she doesn’t feel the same about you, then you need to suck it up and move on…you’re just wasting your time and hers and if you keep going after her, that can lead you into unexpected problems, she could see you as a stalker and a creep.
Think of it another way. I recall going through some terrible times in my life, experiencing deep sadness/depression and ofc suicidal thoughts as well, late in high school. I was burnt out from all the studying too, trying to get good grades to get into a good university.
Girls are drawn to guys who are friendly, confident, easy-going…they’re turned off by guys who are insecure, depressed, or just have problems in their life and come across as needy or something. Put yourself in her shoes and think about how you’d feel if some guy came onto you and you found him to be kind of weird?
So before even thinking about a girl, work on yourself to be the best version of you…so that when you do find a nice girl you get off on the right foot. If you feel horrible, she’s going to see it.
There are literally billions of women out there, you don’t need to get hung up on one. I used to think I’d never find anyone better than my last gf and I always found someone more attractive and had a better connection with.
That’s what makes dating exciting too…but like a casino, you have to know when to lock in your win…ofc I didn’t know these things at the time so I’d end up with nothing at the end…because I kept chasing.
So, if you feel the same way I do about girls, then just find one who will appreciate your admiration of her. Why waste it on a girl who has no feelings for you, no matter how “special” that connection was at one time-it isn’t anymore.
Plus, you’re also idealizing her…maybe if you got to know her over time, you’d learn she could have major problems…like mental issues, or is too stubborn, unwilling to compromise, and so forth. Nobody is perfect…most people hide their faults, so keep that in mind too.
I haven’t necessarily been pursuing her, I gave up on that a long time ago. Plus, some of my behavior has been downright stalker-like and I’m self-aware enough to know that other women don’t appreciate that. Aside from birthday texts and scouring the internet for anything belonging to her, I’ve essentially given up.
You’re spot-on about the idealization though. I see her as something like a god, even though she wasn’t really the best friend when we still talked.
I’m aware of the fact that there are other women out there. I also know that it is best for my sanity to move on, but I don’t even know where to begin with that process…
Ok that’s good that at least you’re aware of what you’re doing and are able to control it somewhat.
Maybe you felt you were very invested in her and it’s hard to let go if it felt like a ‘sure thing.’
Good to know (about idealizing)…ya I’m guilty of doing the same with girls, including the ones I’ve dated.
As for the last point, I’d suggest to focus on breaking down the false (godlike) image you’ve made up in your mind.
Also to realize why your relationship with her didn’t progress to that level you wanted…because it means it ‘wasn’t meant to be’ to use a cliche.
It’s funny I say these things to you but I myself was very hung up on a girl I met through friends in university…we hit it off, everything went great…she spent most of her time with me and not other dudes in our group.
I could go on, we cracked jokes, sung a song together…she borrowed my jacket, I mean all the signs were there, she was a knock-out, probably the hottest girl I was lucky enough to meet.
Except my insecurity/self-doubt took over so I failed to ask her out…I also stupidly took my jacket back (when we were leaving)…I should’ve left it with her and it’d almost guarantee we’d meet again.
Ya despite feeling like a ‘loser’ in life, I managed to luck out numerous times with attractive girls…and dated some, but those ‘dream girls’ are the ones I regret missing out on the most.
Ugh reminds me of another hottie I met at my sister’s wedding, she seemed perfect in every way but my sister told me that she had bipolar disorder…it was pretty bad, so ya, it was a deal-breaker for me…but at the time it felt like we were a great match for each other.
I don’t think you can really get over someone that you felt was the ‘perfect girl’ for you…such as the university girl for me….but that’s life, if you zigged when you should’ve zagged, didn’t have courage when it mattered…then you can’t do anything about it, but to move on and I guess live with the pain which will fade in time.
Actually one of the reasons I feel suicidal is because I doubt (unless I get rich) I’ll ever get opportunities like that again and I’m not the kind of guy who could settle for an average girl…I like girls that are attractive and excite me. But I’m getting older and I think less desirable to pretty women.
I’m just hanging on for family and the hope I can make my life better and find a great girl…so I have some happiness before I leave this place.
Time moves way too quickly-unfortunately even though I was smart, I lacked the wisdom in my youth that I do today which would’ve allowed me to make wiser choices and land a great girl and career at a younger age.
Without my family around, I think I would’ve ended my life years ago. They too have their own struggles…maybe one day I will decide I’ve had enough but I’m giving myself another 5-10 years to see if I can improve my situation. If there’s no change then I’ll definitely check out…I’ve had enough, no point in needlessly suffering.