Speaking to people, for me, is like trying to walk through a field of eggshells. I have to be so careful about what words I use because there are certain words that my mouth won’t let me speak. I have to plan every word I say just to avoid going into a stuttering “attack”.
I chronically stumble, stutter, and have difficulty saying my words. It’s hard for my own family to understand what I’m saying because I can’t enunciate my words. In school, I will go without help just so that I don’t have to experience the embarrassment of trying to talk.
It feels like I have something is physically wrong with me, like my tongue won’t lift properly. I suspect it’s a psychological issue, however, as when I talk to myself (which I do often) I can speak clearly. It is also a somewhat recent issue as prior to middle school I had no issue with my speech.
Combined with my negligible social skills and general awkwardness, the idea of making friends feels so hopeless sometimes…
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It can be both, physical and psychological that is. I had speaking troubles when I was young, and had extensive physical therapy to correct it, as well as quite a bit of regular therapy
but I find myself back where I was, emotionally, as a child, and the closer I get to it, the harder it gets to speak, and I talk less and less each day.
I do know one trick I have often relied on to enunciate better is to memorize and repeat long swaths of words, usually so called “patter songs”, meant to be sung very fast, and actually doing that takes a fair bit of physical work. That and cycling to regular breath are the best I know
but I can’t crack the code, if you don’t have anything of substance to say, how do you motivate yourself to get better at saying it? Often I feel like I write or speak just to see if it still works, out of fear of losing it.
*regulate, not regular, I long for a comment edit button
This is my first time hearing of “patter songs”, I’ll try that out, thank you.
As a kid in grade school, I was pretty sociable, outgoing, had many friends…but as I got a little older, hit high school, I also went through an awkward, nerdy phase.
I think that change into my teen years hit me really hard…esp. knowing I wasn’t a ‘cool’ kid. I was suicidal on and off and I guess in that state I was really down on myself.
So I too developed some stuttering/stammering habits…and when you do stutter, you’re afraid of doing it again, so you speak less, become more insecure and you feel it gets worse.
For some people there is actually a genetic basis (something I read about) …but I think for regular people like us, you can train yourself out of it.
I realized this wasn’t me and like I said I used to be more confident, outgoing when I was younger.
It was very hard to overcome and when I was with my friends, I’d almost never stutter…but it’d sometimes happen with strangers or adults.
I think when you worry too much about what others will think about you, that’s when you become insecure and it causes you to stutter.
Also if you try to talk too fast, that can trigger it also. What worked for me was to try to calm down, talk slower, try to feel more confident, realize you’re an equal to others and not less than anyone else.
Your case was probably similar to my own…since as you said you talk normally around family, so it’s a psychological thing. Try to figure out the root cause.
What are you feeling at the moment you start to stutter or stammer? Once you know, then you might be able to deal with those emotions and be able to speak normally again with others.
Also you’re probably putting too much pressure on yourself not to make a mistake and that can trigger it as well.
As HV mentioned above you can also memorize things you might say routinely to people so it becomes ‘automatic’ and you don’t have to focus on every word.
It’s silly but I practiced saying things like “Hi, nice to meet you…I’m John Smith” like for job interviews or meeting new people. For some of us, certain skills don’t come naturally so you have to practice.
HV is also right about breathing…if you start breathing faster or randomly, that’ll trigger you as well…so it’s about calming yourself down and “acting normal.”
I think I got over it in mid-high school…but I will admit if I meet a girl I really like and forget to be ‘me’ then I might stammer a little but it’s rare. You can also learn to turn the stutter into a stammer which doesn’t sound as bad, sometimes by using words like ‘aahhh and umm’…make it seem like you’re thinking.
Oh and ‘being me’ is kind of an act as well…just thinking about you as the best version of yourself…and to be that person in social situations.
I’m sure others who’ve had the issue learned to cope with it using similar techniques….think of actors like Jeff Goldblum…it seems they’ve gone through it also and didn’t let that hinder their career.
I had a somewhat social evolution to you. When I was younger (5-10 years old) I wasn’t as shy and had more confidence. But I had “friends” more in the way that everyone is your friend when you’re a little kid, I was never invited to any birthday parties or sleepovers. I’m currently in mid/late high school (junior) and it’s worsening rather than getting better. When I talk to other people I do get nervous, which probably makes the stutter worse. But when I talk to family I feel fine and still stutter. Learning how to calm down will probably help though, I’m on edge very often…
Ya you probably suffered through a lot of BS in your life…also not getting invited to things can dampen your self-esteem as well.
You might want to read some books about building confidence and how to be sociable with others…I think it helped me.
Sometimes you also figure out things on your own. But the key things are to breathe normal and slow yourself down if you feel you’re going to stutter.
And ofc to constantly remind yourself that you’re not beneath anyone…or however you feel in those situations.
Don’t expect an overnight change. Like anything with some practice, discipline, you can train yourself out of stuttering and to become a better communication.
Also maybe consider putting yourself in customer service/call center jobs…it’ll help improve your speech…since you’re forced to talk to people over and over…something I’ve done also in my past.