Today was really the big day. Two presentations. Not a lot in the grand scheme of things. But still. First one went bad. Like pretty bad. We didn’t really have anything to show. Our code wouldn’t work. Of coarse it won’t if you just started programming last Wednesday. You could tell the prof wasn’t happy. He did cut us some slack,said that things like this can be hard, but there’s no way we are getting anything higher than a C. That’s for the presentation though. The paper is separate and due Thursday. So I’ll keep working at it and add stuff in the report that I didn’t have for the presentation. Mainly any results at all. I’m so close to getting it to work, I just need the objects in the simulation to update. The algorithm is all there, I’ve triple checked everything, but fucking OpenFrameworks is fucking me. As stressful and angry and how it made me despise god himself, I do enjoy coding somewhat. It’s like a puzzle that you get to solve. Just wish I was any good at it. The other demo is in an hour. I did most of the work while I had to push the other fuckwits to do one single task. It be what it be. I already apologized to my other partner on the coding project. He said there was no need and that I was doing well. But I know if I started earlier and made decisions faster, this wouldn’t have happened.
I made a big fucking gamble that didn’t pay off at all. Besides a small one hour nap, I haven’t slept at all. I feel tired. That’s a good sign. But that one hour nap seemed to be all I needed which is a bad sign. Second I get home I need to sleep. No coding, no working on the report. Sleep. I hope I’m not too late. I’m trying to see if my thoughts are skewing towards delusions. Any funny ideas I had. I do feel less anxious, but is that me not caring or is that me getting the confidence boost from mania. I don’t know. Spent all night just so my code an initialize and not do anything. All the risk none of the reward.
I had a few drinks the other day. Only 2. I noted I was drunk on my last post. But it wore off after a while. Being an alcoholic must suck. You constantly just have drink and drink and drink to feel it. I think if I can spare the time after I submit everything and before I have to leave for Texas, I’ll swing by the barcade. Last of the year. Should do a shot. For my birthday.
I’m tired. Very tired.