fuck my story. i just want to be a normal person. someone who helps out others. but i have so much contempt for them. so i’m not normal. i’m a little narcissistic. who cares? i don’t understand other people being narcissistic though as much. if anyone was made to be a narcissist, it’s ME. and the people around me aren’t much better. i just want to be around better people. would like to be appreciated too. FUCK THE PAST. gotta put in the work babeeyyyy. if only someone took a fucking interest! but i can’t use that as an excuse. i can’t… it’s all for the meaningful life babeyy. unfortunately there are competing interests. would love to have someone in my life. and i can definitely get that someone. how do the have nots live? hahaha… give people a job. relationships are just a hanger on. meaningful work and being recognized for that work is love. isn’t it? I’LL KILL YOU. haha… it’s self love. 🙁 i really fucked up with my past relationships. i devalued them sooo hard. and that’s because i don’t really feel like… i need emotional support. i just need somethin to do! gotta take a chill pill…we can do anything, anything at all, it doesn’t have to mean a thiing. but what about wastin’ time..? there is no such thing as a waste… that’s why i can do absolutely anything. except infringe on other people. I JUST WANT THEM TO GET AWAY FROM ME! that’s all i ask.
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I usually feel like I’m the hanger on in most of my relationships. People underestimate the value of diplomacy, because a lot of what it does isn’t seen. It might be sociopathic of me to say, but all relationships are diplomacy, strategic allies to try and improve your situation.
I have a pretty narrow scope of competency, but because that includes people generally remembering me favorably I do okay.
and that’s most of the value of the past, that’s your data on what you are good at, or not good at. No psychiatric tests measures better, and I have a four year degree to back that up.