I’m turning 36 tomorrow, but unless things go seriously awry I’m not going to have time or energy to write about it, not the next two days either
Supposedly the older you get the less thrilling birthdays are. I think that’s just for death denial people, those who haven’t accepted that they ARE going to die someday, and that someday gets closer every day. I’m tickled to be older, more excuses to complain about aches and pains and talk about how much better it was when I was young, even though it wasn’t.
It was great when I was a child, compared to now, but being a child at that time sucked more than being an adult now….
but statistics are behind the notion that as another birthday passes, I’m more likely to die of cancer or heart disease.
I was out doing my errands today and ended up behind someone with a memorial to someone who was born the same year I was, 1988. They died in 2013, and I had some interested emotions about that. Of course, back then I had more hope, more trust, less hair…. but the last 11 years have been interesting. I wouldn’t have met my wife for one, and that’s something I wouldn’t want to miss out on.
I’m ready to go whenever, but I think I can make this remaining 60 years of life expectancy work out just fine. Sixty more trips around the sun, I’m more than 1/3rd done.
I still think it’s easier in ways to be suicidal and young, it’s a lot longer to wait for your body to check out on it’s own, no one depends on you yet, you aren’t invested in anything.
but I’m a bullshit artist, no matter what unpleasant situation I find myself in, I try to twist it to being commendable and desireable. If I had one leg I’d be talking about how cool it is to wear a peg leg, but I definitely prefer having two legs now that is currently my situation
7 comments
Happy Birthday, i guess?
“Supposedly the older you get the less thrilling birthdays are.”
>Oh, wait till you get to your 40s. Those aches and pains turn into bitterness. I’m not 50s yet but I assume it would be even worse misery. Hell, I dread to think what 60s or 70s would be like. My father died ~74, so I expect to perish around then, if not sooner. Hell, I can’t even imagine making it that far…
You expect to live till 96? Wow, that’s great expectations.
Have you seen documentaries on death and dying- I mean like cameras literally following ppl 6mo from death, 3mo from death, 1mo from death, then 3 weeks, 2 weeks, 1 week.
There was a documentary out there that did that. Holy shit that was grim and scary AF- and I rarely ever get scared of anything I watch.
The decline and suffering in the last moments are fucking INSANE. Hell, the last several YEARS are absolute hell- slowly fucking rotting from the inside out. And yet fucking religious nuts refuse to let ppl out early due to “morality”- fucking fake pious shits.
Well, prepare for the worst is my attitude. It would be pretty nice to die younger, but I just haven’t been successful in developing a lifestyle to shorten my lifespan. My grandad lived most of his life like mine, he died at 96, and he was pretty miserable at the end. The main reason was that his knees went out, that seems to be a pretty common source of misery for old people, thus I spend more time than anyone I know my age worrying about my knees. Same goes for my back.
But my granddad, I don’t think he ever thought he’d live that long. Aside from financial preperation, he didn’t seem very well educated in what will happen if those assigned to your care are frustrated with you, which his were. He spent most of the last eight years of his life in care homes, which could have been entirely avoided if any of his kids wanted the time with him…. My mom and I dealt with most of the non medical stuff, during which I decided that I’d do whatever it takes to develop a good relationship with my eventual caregiver.
Honestly he was way less hard on me than on my mom, because I didn’t really put up with much of his shit.
but this is why I’m not staying white collar, because white collar retirement is awful, especially when it involves care homes. Outside of care homes, those can be excessively good years. When I was in child welfare I met a lot of people in their 70s and 80s looking after kids. They were happier than a lot of 30 year olds I know.
but staying active, and I think my plan for that is good, is the best medicine. I plan to move to the country, do a lot of gardening and farm chores, that’s what I’ve seen in old people that hold it together a lot more. Chopping wood appears to be the singular most important task in extending lifespan, or at least making those last years more tolerable.
I’m already pretty bitter. But I’m determined to make the best of it. Maybe I’ll resent it more when I get to a certain age, I can’t know. But my parents generation, and all the relatives I have in that 65-75 age range seem pretty active and fulfilled. In my dad’s side of the family him and his siblings will be the first generation in 100 years to live past 73. But my dad realized when he started tracing his ancestry way back that in the 17th century people in his heritage lived into their 90s, so it’s possible.
It’s being the sandwich generation that I don’t look forward to, looking after kids and my parents….. but that time will end.
wait- so you want to live shorter or longer? if you’re saying you’ll stay active by chopping wood and doing farm chores, then you’re prolonging your life. yet you say “i just haven’t been successful in developing a lifestyle to shorten my lifespan.”
remedy- do more drugs, drink more alcohol, eat junk food, be sedentary, be depressed and hopeless. that should shorten your life by at least 20 years O_o
my grandma (from my mom’s side) died at 94, grandpa like 92 or something (i think covid killed him), my mother is 74 or something and is healthy as a horse- yes the evil shitty mother.
my father however, had tons of health problems his whole damn life, though him drinking lots of alcohol didn’t help. his side of the family all died young and with liver/kidney problems. AND….guess what the kicker is? I, apparently, inherited my father’s shit genes and shit luck in life. How ’bout them apples, eh? -_-
I want to be active until I go, die with my boots on. The easiest way to do that is to do a lot of hard work (FYI, felling trees is one of the highest mortality tasks in the world). I don’t want anyone to put me in a wheelchair or care home, if I die younger that’s easier, but I have met waaaaaay too many old people who never expected to get old. It’s probably going to happen is the peace I’ve made with it.
oh bitterness- u are nowhere near bitter enough boy, lol. i used to think i was bitter, since my 20s. but nooooo. the last few years i really found out what being “bitter” was. the last few years changed me. now i fucking HATE humans. and HATE the shit hand the Universe has dealt me, and continues to hand to me. SO yeah, you don’t know bitterness yet my dear. Your posts still sound relatively “normal” to me. Maybe in your 50s you’ll really start to resent life/ppl/etc.
(i mean that as a “compliment” btw. being angry and bitter is a shitty thing, and you don’t sound anywhere near my level of bitterness, and you still have hope if you’re applying to jobs and looking at land in other states).
I know you don’t want to hear it, but Happy Birthday. I am glad you stuck it out this long, and happy to hear you’re willing to stick it out longer, even if it’s painful. I’m glad you found a wife who you seem to really care for.
I suppose you are right. The perspective you had when you were a kid morphs and changes. I guess you can say that about any life experience. You’re also right about it being easier to let go when you don’t have all the attachments that comes with age. My career hasn’t started, I’ve never had a relationship, and I’m on my own in a state with no family (Although I feel grateful for that last part most of the time.) Now has never been a better time to kill myself.
Hope today goes well and you’ll get more aches and pains to complain about.