Sometimes I think I have narcissistic characteristics so I took a quiz. According to the quiz I’m don’t. Not sure how much stock you can put in these things… I mean, if you have 3 options and you have to pick one, it’s not going to be correct… and the behaviours described, I feel like there are certain people I exhibit narcissistic behaviours on, but not everyone.
But anyway, the article said ‘apply this test onto a difficult person in your life’ so of course I chose my sister. And…. she ticks a lot of boxes. To clarify, we’re talking about narcissistic traits, NOT narcissistic personality disorder. It’s a bit of a spectrum, and I think we’re on pretty opposite ends of the spectrum. This explains so much about why its so hard having a relationship with her.
I’m kinda kicking myself that I didn’t see this sooner. I mean, I’m so good at figuring things out. I notice and analyze everything.
HOW DID I MISS THIS???
6 comments
lol I bet everyone who reads this is gonna take a test now
I think it’s pretty easy to overlook that stuff when it comes to people your close to. I didn’t realize how selfish my older brother was until I was in my 20’s. Maybe, I just didn’t want to acknowledge it though.
True. I always wrote it off as ‘that’s just how she is’ and ‘she’s always been like that’. I’ve actually thought for a long time that she was on the spectrum. Didn’t occur to me that narcissism might be a factor, because she’s not…. vain, or grandiose, or the things I associate with narcissism. But the behaviours she exhibits are narcissistic traits, apparently.
I just called my other sister (the rational one) to get her opinion. But her response was ‘that’s her problem and she’s gotta figure it out herself. And I’m really tired and had a hard day and have to go to sleep’. Which is how most of my calls back home go. That’s why I rarely call. It always leaves me with the feeling that they don’t have room in their lives for me
I’m still tripping out about this. I think that’s why I’m always putting other peoples’ needs ahead of my own…. because I grew up with 2 narcissists who were always putting their needs in front of everyone elses’!
Well…. one of the worst psychologists I ever ran into studied narcissists, he said mentally ill people only had themselves to blame. What a prick.
I’ve seen features of narcissism but never a full blown case that I could verify against the DSM. People throw around the term a lot, especially when I was in child welfare. “my ex is a narcissist” and my reaction was usually; “no, they’re probably just being your ex.”
So context matters. We all have a strong tendency towards ego. It’s worse in the West where we consider ego a virtuous thing. We make heroes out of rugged individuals, and that’s catnip to make people dream of being self centered. The reality is that most cultures are a balance of individualism and group function. That’s the alternative.
Group function has flaws too such as mob hystaria and group think. Neither side is perfect, both have strengths and weaknesses. We need autonomy to break from group think, and we need group think to keep us from going completely off the rails.
So appreciate yourself, you’re probably a pretty interesting person. You just aren’t the only one. In fact, chances are the person next to you thinks they’re pretty interesting too, why not find out why? That’s developing empathy, which is a key survival skill.
Narcissists actually usually struggle from low self love. So appreciating yourself will insulate you from those weaknesses. All mental illnesses are disordered thought, thought gone wrong. The solution is ruggedly resiliant and determinedly thought pointed in the direction of helping yourself and others.
Not that I’ve even achieved mid level mastery of that.
I said this in my OP, but I want to re-iterate: I am NOT talking about Narcisistic Personality Disorder. That is a major mental health diagnosis, and I think my sister is pretty far from that.
Here, I’m just talking about having narcissistic traits. It’s a spectrum. By now, I’ve taken a whole bunch of different tests, and I consistently score low on the spectrum. And… when applying my sister to the test, she consistently scores quite high. I’ve even been really generous in trying to rank her. I only answered ‘yes’ to her narcissistic traits if I could think of a specific example where she demonstrated the trait.
I’m well aware of how callously the term ‘narcissist’ is thrown around, which is why I’m really careful about how I use that word. It’s too stigmatized, which is unconstructive. I don’t think my sister is a bad person, she’s just got these quirks which makes it really hard to deal with her. So part of understanding her narcissistic traits is just my way of trying to be a better sister, trying to figure out how to deal with her without letting her toxic nature cripple me in the process.
I’m not sure why your comment is directed at me, as if I were the one suffering from narcisism? Like I said, I’m consistently scoring really low on the metric, and I’m being really hard on myself. Apparently, if one even wonders if you could be a bit narcissistic, chance are you’re not.
This post is about my sister, because I spend a lot of time conflicted about her. I know she is lonely. And I want to help her and be a good sister to her. But its just so hard to be around her, with the gaslighting and the jealousy and power trips, and the constant attempt to manipulate not just me, but also my friends/partners.
The whole time, we all just assumed she was a bit self centred and had a bit of distorted reality. Realising that she actually possesses narcissistic traits is eye opening – it helps me to understand her mentality and hopefully figure out a better way to deal with her. It also helps me understand why I am the way I am – of course I am used to being neglected and prioritizing other’s needs ahead of my own, because someone else is constantly sucking up all the air in the room, you just get used to being ignored.
Now I’m just wondering…. how do I raise this with her? I don’t even want to use the word, since its so stigmatized. The best I can think of is if I just talk about my own experience reflecting if I have narcissistic traits.
I read this interesting article where a narcissist only realized what he was because he got depression, and then a therapist diagnosed him with a personality disorder. That will not happen with my sister because I doubt she will be truthful to her therapist. Especially since she often accuses her ex of narcissism (which is totally untrue).
https://www.thecut.com/article/what-its-like-to-have-narcissistic-personality-disorder.html