One Reason I will Always be Depressed.

People will always think that I am stupid. No matter how many times I debunk it, they will always believe it. Maybe even get some cognitive dissonance.

Do you know how many times people have asked if someone drove me to a certain place? Why? Because they don’t believe that I’m capable of driving myself. I get so damn annoyed that I’m just going to play the ask a question, get a stupid answer game for now on. They already think I’m stupid, so why not?

At the church, me and my mom were visiting. Everyone there wanted me to join the Special Needs Bible Vacation School. We were dropping hints that we were not interested, but they keep pushing, just like my agency wants me to go to this other Special Needs Group. They are just so Frickin’ determined. If only they put that energy into I want in life, but no, because who cares what I want. I’m stupid, so why should I ever try to be anything else?

I went to a university, graduated community college. I graduated high school with an advanced diploma as an honor student. I was far from being the top of the class, though. I seem to do art very well, which I had to self teach myself you know because no one sees anything in me.

Heck, I already feel like I’m doing other people’s jobs for free. I helped my mom find out which library a book was at, and told her to ask a librarian to get it for her. My mom has asked me to find books for her, which I did, but librarians can do it too and they’re paid to do it. Well, the librarian said that the book wasn’t there and that she could pull it from another library. My mom keeps looking and finds the book that I said was there.

In a local grocery store, an old lady out of nowhere asks me where the castor oil was, and I told that I didn’t work here, but I still pointed it out to her.

An old man at a gas station asked me what to use to stir his coffee. I wondered if he just wanted to talk to me. I pointed right at the straws to use for stirring.

I am on disability because I seem to have this magic where I make people not like me. I’ve worked jobs before and my employers hated me. I also see the disappointed looks on their faces when I showed up to interviews. I have autism and the majority of autistic people are either unemployed, and the minority are underemployed. I’ve noticed that they have the same problem as I do. Some say that they would rather have someone to gossip with then someone who does the work. Other people have noticed this at work. If you’re not a part of the clique, they’ll find some way to chase you off.

If you can tell, there is one exception to this people will always think I’m stupid rule is that I become capable as soon as they want something or want me to do something. When it comes to my dreams and goals, then they’ll shit and piss all over it. I hate myself for sharing them, so I learned to shut up. It’s the only way I can achieve them. Sometimes, I hate doing things for a society that hates me.