I always imagined that I wouldn’t live a very long life. My dream when I was a child was to be an alcoholic, because I thought they were honest.
I think that most of what I’ve known in my life is pain and sorrow. All the good things I’ve felt have been momentary. But pain and sadness have always been with me. It’s almost comforting because of how familiar it is…
I don’t particularly want to kill myself. In the gospel it says that those who endure until the end will be saved. Maybe I can be saved just by not forcing my own end? I hope so.