1,157 Have Nearly Come and Gone

Just over 3 years ago I gave myself 1,157 days left to live. 1,157 days left to live or to try and see if things end up being worth it to continue on after those days. I gave myself plenty of time, I mean that is just over 3 years to see if this is all worth it. And when I made that decision back in 2022 I was in such a shitty and low place but also in a place of not wanting to hurt my family that I said fuck it i’ll suffer now for them as I always have. But if it is still like this by August 2025 then I will officially be done, I don’t care about a peaceful exit, I have a gun now and it just won’t be peaceful anymore. For about two of those years things were actually really good, shit maybe just even one year or less than that really. I had maybe about 8 months of an amazing life worth living for, then things started turning to shit and have been on a constant descent since. And now that all leads up to today, I am only 11 days away from my last day on earth. Only two more Wednesdays with the life that I have and with the people in my life. I knew coming into this month that everything will begin to align to make August 27th canon. Coming into this month every shitty thing that has happened each week is all happening to make everything more and more real. Because just last month it didn’t really feel real. It felt like I might just live past my decided death date. But now that we are halfway through the month, its all clear to me. All the bullshit I have dealt with in just these sixteen days, its just perfectly happening to make my death happen. I expect the remaining days to continue to increasingly get shittier, all so I can finally put a bullet through my head.