Defect

A lot of people say that nobody really knows what they’re doing and they’re all just trying to get by. I’ve said that before to some people. But I really really don’t know what I’m doing. I have these degrees don’t really mean anything. Couldn’t tell you a single fucking thing I learned. And I haven’t really kept up with anything either. Like study my old notes I lazily downloaded from canvas. So basically I’m unemployable. I already knew this but when I choked on that interview test a month ago, it really put the nail in the coffin. I don’t have what it takes to make it in a PhD program and I can’t even get a job to prove that I’m not good enough for industry. My masters was a gimme. I’m defective. In certain video games you start an attempt and after a while you realize that the run is just no good so you start over. Life is like this too. I’ve made it this far and realized it was just no good. So why shouldn’t I just hit reset? Maybe whatever happens next I’ll be better at.