Some good news

I have an interview on Monday, they contacted me very quickly which indicates that they wish to fill the job very desperately. Frankly, this is the kind of job that is prone to hire me. I don’t often get hired by companies that are patient, though this is a government entity. I moved quickly to get what they asked of me; a social security card and three references. Though because my social security card is lost, I had to get a receipt and will be giving them the real thing when it arrives…. details unimportant probably.

Getting the references led to a wave of tragedy, I discovered that some of my mentors had passed away. A man I had loved like a grandfather died at the beginning of the year, and another of my professors either pulled a world class disappearing act or is dead. Time makes fools of us all is the lesson of this story, a decade is a long time my friends, and I feel more driven than ever to reboot my academic career. I’m less suicidal than ever, the work I want to do is important, so I guess that’s the silver lining.

I just want to share this with you guys because there is hope at the end of a job hunt, or an academic struggle. I see a lot of you struggling on here and I don’t know what to do to help because I’m so preoccupied with my own struggles, it fills me with guilt. I need to be easier on myself, the work I’m trying to do is important. I feel more clear headed than I have in a long time.

Self pity is a trap, easy to fall into in times like this. My mom just said this to me. I had to remind her that I’m so rich, in friends and loved ones, and in opportunities.  I have faith, such as it is, that things are going to get better. I finally contacted a professor today about working in his lab for grad school, the references I am using for this job are the same ones I plan to use for grad school. These two projects dovetail beautifully to launching my new life, at least that’s the hope.

That’s what it all comes down to, hope. Hope is such a radical thing in dark times like this. The silly but profound cartoon Avatar the Last Airbender had a character called Uncle Iroh who said “In the darkest times, hope is a gift you give yourself, that’s the meaning of inner strength.” I mean the actor who voiced that version of the character is now dead and it’s still true, it’s a beautiful eternal truth.

Give yourself hope, I’m trying to give myself a little today and the rest of this week.

I love all of you, my community. Take good care of yourself.