This society is so brainwashed and ignorant. They tell men that expressing emotions is feminine. Another problem is telling men ”what a real man is”. Men are not robots. We are human beings that deserve to be loved.
I never had a good childhood. I forgot many of my memories a long time ago. I’ve been suicidal for a long time but I can easily hide it. No individual will expect me to do it. Honestly. I never wanted to die. I just don’t to want live a horrible life.
My mom died of cancer(when I was 10) so her friend adopted me. Around that time, My mom’s ex boyfriend literally told me he doesn’t care about me while my mom was at the hospital. My adoptive mother was very abusive and was a narcissist. Her two children( 10 years older than me) will always pick her side regardless of her being right or wrong. It still happens till this day. No matter what I do, I would never meet their expectations. They would say things like” you could never do it right”, “ you are pathetic.” They are also hypocrites. Sometime in 2020( I was 18), the son arrived to the house. His mom(the lady who adopted me) was yelling at him and started cursing him out. He tried to ignore her but he couldn’t so he told her to shut up. YES he said that. this was his exact words “Shut up. You talk too much.” Usually he would get beaten to a pulp but he get no punishment. If I were to say that, I would lose my jaw. I don’t call these people my family because I’m not close with them. I can already tell if I had a dream to be a millionaire they would ask me for tons of cash with their fake smiles. They will tell other people about my past right in front of my face but they wont tell others about their past. It’s pretty funny since they are adults and they are supposed to lead by example. The daughter is a crazy woman with no self control and like to be violent for pretty much anything. She almost (K) her boyfriend right in front of me. The mom like to talk shits and be disrespectful. In her head, She is never wrong. She is very controlling as well. When I try to explain things to her, she likes to ignore me. The son doesn’t give a shit and thinks he’s a real man. He also have anger issues. He doesn’t get along with his gf and is only with her because of the kids. Him and his gf would be abusive towards each other. I highly doubt this dude’s sister and mom even like his gf. I don’t like any of them. Even though, i still live with them, i don’t call or message them. They only message/call me for money or favors. These people are so violent, there would be death threats involved. It’s pretty much a toxic household with a lack of morals. They pretend to be one big happy family but it’s a deception. I plan to move to a different state and start a new life. I’m a 21 years old male. I’m surprise I made it this far in life. My mental health is a little better. I’ll probably survive. I’ll just have to wait a little longer.
I don’t have any friends or anyone to talk to except 1. We would communicate once in a while. I don’t mind being alone since I’m already used to it. I don’t beg for attention or continue to dm people especially if they can go days or weeks without talking to me. Majority of the people only dm me when they are bored or it’s money related. It’s sad because why would you dm me about business or anything and we haven’t talk for like months or years. it’s hard to socialize with the right people since most people are frauds.
I remember my adoptive mother had a friend stayed at our house for a while. One night she had a talk with me. She told me that she understands my situation. She sees me as a human being not just a man( by society standards). It was the first time someone supported me. She knows her friend( my adoptive mother) can be a pain. One thing I will never forget is when she said” you are human. Do whatever you want with your life. I don’t judge people. As long as you are happy that’s all it matters. “
I understand this was a long story. But guys don’t give up. Go to therapy. Try meditation or mindfulness. There are people in this world that supports us. Most of the time it would be people we don’t know.