I move on Friday. Clothes are packed. Have way too much even after leaving some here. Just taking one suitcase worth. Don’t know why I have so many shirts when I wear the same one several days in a row. Going to clean up my PC and take the graphics card out tomorrow. Pack it up. Keep forgetting about shit like kitchenware and towels. I wish I was more mobile. It doesn’t seem like it, but I have a lot of shit. Or I guess people in general need a lot of shit.
I keep thinking about the 6 month contract. I know it’s not going to be just 6 months. It never is just the specified amount of time. It’s always certain that you end up chained to it for a lot longer. Could be years. Years as a fucking technician. Then my degrees become stale and I’m stuck there for more years. Any rational person would say that won’t happen, but irrational shit happens all the time. I think I’ll be stuck there because I can’t get anything else. Even when I start looking for a job again in around March, what’s the likelihood that I’d be better at finding one than I was these past few months? Sure I can put the technician role on my resume now, but if my internships and lab research assistant position didn’t impress anyone why the fuck would they care about a technician role?
Absolute best case scenario the school finds funding and I do actually get to do a PhD next school year. Lines up perfectly with my 6 month contract and I get a summer to relax before school starts. But I’ve already lost faith in that. I’m not going to get the fellowships I applied for and funding is just going to get worse at the school. The whole reason funding got fucked was because of the political climate and that is only going to get worse. Fuck Trump btw. So now I don’t even entertain the notion that I’ll see WPI again. Probably for the best. I’d just fuck it up anyways.
When I mentioned I turned down the field engineer role for that defense start up a few weeks ago, Dying2Die mentioned that good karma would come my way for it or something like that. But should it really? I think not helping to make shit that kills people should be the baseline for humanity right? I’d love the good karma. God knows I need it. But I know that the cosmic whatever that’s in charge isn’t going to give it to me. Otherwise why would I be in a fucking technician role now?
Found this song on Youtube with a funny Garfield animation. Look up John Take Me With You Garfield or something. Like the riffs he does.