Tomorrow Is December 1st

I start my job tomorrow. Lined up at the exact start of the month. So my 6 month contract is over as soon as it rolls over to June. Didn’t do much this weekend. Bought groceries and played magic at a card shop. I don’t think I’m nervous. Not about the job exactly. I am nervous that I’ll fail at even this. So I guess I am nervous in a way. If I fail at this, that’s it. I have to kill myself at that point. This is the lowest level that is somewhat related to my profession and if I can’t excel at that, I have no chance with anything else. No chance as a researcher. No chance as an engineer. Killing myself would be compulsory.

I wonder if the next 6 months will be a slog. I’m trying to remember if doing things I hated makes time go by slower or faster. When I was grinding away at my thesis and going in circles, it felt kinda fast. I think that’s because I was so laser focused on trying to do the job. So maybe whatever I’ll be doing will require that level of focus. Regardless I’ll be counting down the days. Our perception of time is funny. The flow of time is immutable but are minds find a way to make it so.

Classic. I can’t remember when I first heard Modest Mouse, but I know ever since then they’re constantly in my music rotation. I think I’ve always like the music video to this one.