So, I went out into the world today. Crazy, I know. I didn’t even give a shit if I looked like a zombie. I didn’t try to put on a happy face or smile at strangers or laugh needlessly. I was myself. I was my emotionally drained self. I felt like I wasn’t really ‘there’ today. Not like an out-of-body thing, though. Ugh, I don’t know how to explain it. One of the things I did today was return a pair of jeans that were too loose. I now have $28.00 to my name. Yay. I’m going to hold on to that 28 dollars like it was a life raft. You’d have to pry it out of my cold dead fingers to take it from me. As for my loose pants, they’re all too loose. I keep losing weight. My eating is still not up to par. The desire to eat goes just as fast as it comes. I’ll get hungry, start eating, and then it just…goes.
Anyway, while I was out in the world I was sitting in a parking lot at one point and I went on a mental vacation. I never did that like I was going to the other night. So I took the opportunity to space out a little. I closed my eyes and I turned my face towards the sun. It was bright and warm. I could hear the cars going by and it sounded like waves. I could see the shore. I could picture myself sitting down in the hot sand. I ran my fingers through the sand and dug a little hole only to fill it back up again. The ocean was gray and I could see the waves curling in and crashing against the shoreline. I could see the foam left behind on the wet sand. The breeze made up for the hot rays of the sun. It was quiet and calming. I must have come to this beach on a weekday because there were no screaming children or yelling parents or loud radios. I didn’t even hear a damn seagull squawking at me. Just the ocean, me, the sun, the sand, and quiet. I sat there, devoid of thought. It was so nice and relaxing.
Then my mom tapped on the window. I opened my eyes and I came back to reality where it was 49 degrees and I was sitting in a car in a parking lot.
Later in the evening, my dad ran into my sister outside of a convenience store. (I’ve told some of you about my half-sister who’s a drug addict (heroin, crack, coke, pills; you name it, she’s on it) that doesn’t take care of her 3 year old son. We haven’t spoken to her or seen her since the spring of 2009.) I really wish I could have been there. She told my dad that she’s “clean” now. So my dad said, “Then why do your eyes look glassy?” Her answer, “Well, I’m still on some medications but, I’m not doing crack anymore.” She told him that her baby-daddy was doing 3 years in the pokey for robbery and drugs. Real winner, that one. She apparently was with some other guy now. Wish I had a description for you but my dad doesn’t pay attention to details. She still doesn’t have custody of her kid and she’s supposedly living by herself some where. I can’t believe anything she says until she provides an updated blood test. And I would like a sincere apology to go along with it. Although, with all of the drugs she’s done I’m sure she can’t even fucking remember what she’s said and done to me.
After my day out, I had yet another talk with my mom. Deja vu. She initiated it. I really didn’t want to talk about my feelings. I felt angry and claustrophobic when she was talking to me. I don’t know what came over me but I said everything that came to mind. Didn’t even bother to filter anything. I even told her that I was on this website for christ’s sake. To my suprise, she was actually really cool about it. She said if it helps me then it’s fine with her. But not before she went off on a typical motherly tangent about talking to weirdos and not giving out my address and not meeting up with random people. lol
I made her cry after I told her that I felt like I didn’t want to be a part of society and basically that I had no purpose living. Stupid ass. I regretted it immediately. But I felt oddly better saying it out loud. In a nutshell, my mom told me that if I killed myself that she would die too. That I’m one of the only reasons she has for living. And then she cried some more. Normally when I see people cry it makes me cry. I just couldn’t. I was all out of tears. Empty. It made me feel more like an asshole that I couldn’t even show any proper emotion. I reassured her that I wasn’t going to off myself. And I meant it. Then I felt….okay. I felt almost good. For the first time in a while I felt okay. I didn’t feel okay about making her upset. I felt like she was finally getting it. Like she understood me. It made me feel almost whole. I liked that feeling. It made me feel like I could live. That I could tread on.
214 comments
hey goodgirl.
Ah sounds like quite the day. Very awesome you could talk to your mom like that, I’d encourage to continue doing so when you’re getting really down. It always feels really hard to talk but the what came out of it was great wasn’t it?
keep on keeping on!
Hi crewde, I think I will because it felt like a huge weight was taken off of my shoulders. Sometimes I have trouble expressing myself, so it was a relief to finally do it.
thank you :]
that is beautiful – and I’m so happy for you … i could almost ‘see” the beach as you described it. burdens are easier to carry when we have people who will help us cay the load.
relieved dawg
*carry … not “cay”
=D, i must also agree that description was amazing! made me feel at peace for a bit even! Thats good to hear as well! Being able to talk to a parent is amazing if they understand you!
Yes! I’m glad you guys could almost see it, that’s what I was trying to accomplish. That sense of peace I had for a moment.
:]
Ya you did a great job probably the first time I’ve felt peace for a bit since like may!
Glad you took that nice, warm mental vacation. I like to close my eyes and look towards the sun and feel the warmth just take over my body and my thoughts. All is good at that point. Talk to you later.
o.o I didn’t see anything….lol
N/A on the sister topic
I love the final paragraph.
I’ve one just like that with my mom
She wasn’t accepting though and told me to live
Um and some other stuff about other people who
have worse lives and still persevere.
And you didn’t take me with you on the vacation D;
Oh my 28 dollars?!….can you buy me some candy?
And some energy drinks?!
Beautiful post, gg. More power to you.
My mental vacation place a long winding track through hills and forest; I’ve never reached the end of it; maybe it leads to a beach – it it does, I’ll see you there. 😉
AtTheEnd, can I call you ‘Att’? I tried to think of any abbreviation I could and that’s the best I could come up with. :[
As for not seeing anything, there’s probably something wrong with your eyes. lol ;]
My mom said the same thing about other people that have worse lives, I just left that part out. I tried to take you with me on the vacation, but you have eye problems apparently. And, um, aren’t you supposed to be stalking me? You should have been there lurking in the background.
NO. I will not buy you candy and energy drinks. No one’s mooching off of my 28 dollars. hah
Causeway, I hope so. If you can’t make it, I’ll walk through the forest and I’ll make sure to look up, so I can find you in your hammock in the trees. :]
Oh my.
What?
lol ATT? XD Anti-tank troop? XD
Yeah that’s better than ate…=.=…
ATT is a temporary fix that will probably be permanent x.x
Don’t you remember what caused those eye problems and drove my optometrist blind?
Oh…moms think alike in these sort of tactical conversations :c
I was stalking you and you were in your car…then you sorta poofed D;
YES. Buy me candy and energy drink. Pwease? I’ll…hurm..idk :c
So I can call you Att? YES! lol
Oh, yeah, that’s right. I caused your eye problems and your optometrist to go blind. oops. :p
Yeah, moms are all alike.
So that’s who was watching me? I thought I saw something in my rearview mirror. ;]
NEVERRRR.
GG i still dont get opening up to family but im glad it helps u! ive always been a forest nd jungle man as apposed to beach but even i saw the beach u described :-p
Jungle man. lmao.
I know you don’t get talking to family, procel. But I told you I’m a terrible liar and I was having a seriously hard time coming up with lies and keeping a straight face when I would get asked questions.
Now’t lass, just thinking out loud.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GifxekQOX-U
Beautiful. “Then, at the moment of his death, he threw it from his last castle to the thirsty sea below and, as the goblet sank beneath the waves, so too did he sink into the arms of death.” Now, that is gothic.
Yes you can o.o
Mhm you made him go blind and made me develop eye problems e.e…
It’s not okay… u.u
Are they? Is your mom a perfectionist? An eavesdropper? A loud mouth? A proud person who gets mad if her kids borrow money from anyone? =.=…can’t even borrow 5 bucks or she get’s pissy…blargh D;
Yeah lol don’t act all surprised you waved and blew a kiss into the mirror ;3
XD XD XD XD XD XD XD
And aww please?
Att, yes, my mom is a loud mouth, eavesdropper. Not sure if I’d call her a perfectionist though; that’s me. lol
Shhhhh, that’s supposed to stay between us. ;]
& not no way, not no how.
Ahahaha all moms are alike then xD
Sorta….lol and don’t worry…I inherited my mom stubbornness and perfectionist personality u.u…
Should someone slap the perfectionist out of you? :c
lol as long as no one read my comment it did stay between us c;
And why not? -.-…
Hahah, well, I’m stubborn too, so, yay.
I think it would be impossible to slap the perfectionist out of me.
lol I think everyone probably read it. Damn it, it’s so hard to keep this stalking business a secret.
Why? Because it’s mine. lol
How is that yay? That means…
If we fight no one would give in LOL
Let me try to slap it out of you? x)
I dun think so? Someone would have said something by now.
Stalking is quite difficult, keeping it secret makes it even more difficult x.x
That’s not a good reason…you should have pity and buy me stuff
Lmao. Well, I’m not planning on getting into a fight. Are you? I’m non confrontational.
Nah, that wouldn’t be very nice.
Hm..I don’t know. They like stalking us too, maybe. :]
It’s a perfectly good reason. No sharing for me. lol
Well you never know? It could happen. I don’t plan on it though ;P
Okay fine I won’t slap it out of you
Maybe they are stalking us O.O…
Sharing is caring.
Chances are if a fight ensues, it’ll be you causing it, not me. lol Not that I’m saying you would do that, but I never get into fights.
Good.
I think they are.
Can you be caring without sharing?
Fight? did someone say fight? … Helz yeah! Let’s dance!
😀
Rule one:
No talking about fight dawg
Dancing is a part of fighting? Then count me in!
lol :]
Chances are it will be me…at least 7 out of 10 fights.
I don’t do it intentionally, I just happen to sometimes…I dunno..It can be an emotional day or something else. Meh I don’t know.
They might be…you go meet them in a dark alley and I’ll wait in the car.
It’s possible…why do you ask?
Well, it’s better to have a reason to fight then just that you feel like being a jerk and starting shit. lol
Me go in the dark alley? What happened to chivalry?
Because I think that I’m that caring without sharing person. aha
lol I guess?
Yes you c:
Um…well you see chivalry died a long time ago. I would go but…you don’t care enough to share which is not very lady like xD
Not that fighting is good, I’m just sayin’. lol
Ugh. Well, I guess if I have to I’ll go into the dark alley and kick ass all by myself. I’ll show you. ;p
Still not sharing my monies.
Of Course!! – haven’t you seen West Side Story?
No. lol
GG – in dark alley = SuperBad!!
Will you go with me then?
… and Chivalry is still alive and well – it just moved underground 😉
under dawg
Right that was totally what you were saying XD
Ahahaha see
I would go with you
But I doubt there’s any reward at the end u.u
Good luck in the ally ;o
Fine don’t share…i won’t share my monies <.<
Dawg you and Amakua scare me now…
Oh yes … I can see how two old geezers – 1000 miles apart are terrifying LMAO
scary dawg
o.o….psychological warfare man T~T
…the things…that were hinted at…
I’m like having nightmares now o.e
1000 miles away witht he power
to mentally scar young-ins for a lifetime
Ha …with my all seeing eye and gaze of evil!
saruman dawg
I’m friggin scared of you two =.=…
Someone wanna tell me how this post and convo turned into being mortified by old people? ha
some people are freaked out by clowns … others by spiders and snakes … and some just have geezerphobia
LMAO
old dawg
Dawg, you can always make me laugh. ahahah, thanks for that.
o.o right dawg
Nice coverup
Don’t worry I won’t tell u.u
I shall suffer in solitude.
when I’m a a loss for something deep and meaningful that is positive to say … I just try to say something funny … which can also be difficult – but to know you actually laugh is a great payoff
^_^ grin dawg
Yes, I’ve pretty much laughed my ass off every time you make a joke. The best part is your signature..signature. lol :]
A T E – I’m too old for coverups – I have no problems letting it all hang out in all my glory!
Muahahahaha
public dawg
Oh no! You called him A T E. What’s he gonna do?
fyi – I know you don’t like the acronym 😀
that’s why I used it
sinister dawg
“What”s he gonna do?”
He’s gonna go find something else to do besides be on this website.
That’s wut.
Dawg, I think you pissed off att.
so it’s Ok for him to make geezer jokes … but can’t take a little swipe at his acronym (that he COULD change) – us geezers can’t go to our profile page and change our age to de-geezerfy
… and You’ll notice that i didn’t repeat it 😉
i somehow think he’ll get passed it
instigator dawg
Yeah, I know that. I was just sayin’.
I think he’ll be okay.
I’m not pissed off at Dawg.
The world does not revolve around the SuicideProject
Call me that if you want dawg, after a while it will annoy me
then maybe I’ll throw a tantrum and ignore you or something like that
It doesn’t really matter. I’m in no mood to talk right now.
Don’t worry Dawg and GoodGirl, it’s not anything you guys have said.
And I would neve change my user name. There’s no reason to change something that holds a lot of meeting for me.
P.S. I don’t start fights with elders.
It’s cool, att, I understand. Although, now I’m kind of wondering if I should even be calling you ‘att’, if your username means that much to you.
glad to hear it AT; re world doesnt revolve @ SP 🙂
Im sure Dawg meant no offense just playful banter ….
take care AT…
ATE bothers me for specific reasons.
I’m surprised no one has guessed why.
It’s okay for people to call me abbreviations
If I don’t like it I will say so.
Plain and simple.
Please don’t make a big deal out this GoodGirl.
I’m not making a big deal out of this, I was just wondering. Any way, at least I know. And I can surmise why ATE would bother you.
Hmm… this post is pretty full on… it sounds like a very surreal day. But I think I know why you felt ‘happy’ at the end of it – you made a connection with your mum, and sound like that is what you have been missing, you’ve had missed connections with your sister and youre friends, and now you finally were able to connect! I hope you keep finding those connections. And I know it’s scary, but… you’re probably going to have to get out of the house a bit more to find that… when you’re ready, of course.
I’m sorry….
I told you we would end up fighting soon..
Sorry. I;m not in a good mood right now.
Just don’t worry, don’t wonder about my feelings..haha
I’m not surprised you can.
@attheend, yeah you tell ’em… something bothers you, you shouldn’t have to justify it. Don’t think anyone meant anythign bad here, but you know, it’s easy to misinterpret.
But does it have anything to do with your apple and peanut butter fetish?
@at the end is suffering stalker’s regret. Obsession can ruin a man: goodgirl, the power of your charm can be a dangerous thing.
-.-….I don’t have a peanut butter fetish…
I have an apple fetish. I just mentioned peanut butter once..
Her charm can make me quite jealous when she threatens to get more stalkers :c
@attheend: do we fight for her? or flip for her?
I wont share her period :c
But if GoodGirl wants you to stalker her instead that’s her choice (:
Tis best not decided the fate of one between two others.
lol, I walk away for a few minutes and I miss all of this?
That was the smallest “fight” ever, att. lol I wouldn’t even consider it a fight. :]
One_day, Yeah, you’re right, I finally made that connection and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside…for a few minutes. I have to say, today it’s back to the same old, same old.
Oh, and I’m not going to go and get more stalkers, just you.
i say flip for her … and let the best person win 🙂 good luck…
@GoodGirl
Well I wasn’t sure since…I was close to going on a rant on a couple different people on here including you and adastra. ._.
And just me? Trying to make me feel special by saying that?
I’m glad you didn’t cause I can’t handle any more drama for today. Perhaps I should just shut up? lol
No, I told you the other day that I wasn’t gonna get any more stalkers. We made a deal, remember?
Haha that reminds me of the Llama badge you can get at DeviantArt…lol
Why do you think that?
I remember the deal.
lol we both sound so desperate for attention…
lol Llama badge? Do you have a link for that? I’d like to see what a Llama badge looks like. hah
Why do I think I should shut up? Because if you were going to go on a rant and include me, I thought I probably said something stupid.
Well, shit, I sound desperate for attention AND too self conscious. lmao ugh
lol Why yes I just happened to go searching for one e.e…
I was just mad and people on here were annoying me with the pleasant conversation that masked tension. I could feel like a sort of rage under all the pleasant apologies. That and the fact that people were starting to go off about the ATE thing again..
You didn’t say something stupid..at least I think you didn’t? I’m not sure
Self conscious? Since when? And haha it’s okay I’m probably more desperate.
http://bozack.deviantart.com/art/Llama-Badges-explanation-159237766
Lmao. I love how you can get a super-llama! That’s hilarious.
Ohh. Well, I can only say for myself that I wasn’t masking any tension in my comments. Sorry about the ATE thing. I know you don’t like it.
Hm, well, then nvm. haha
I am very self conscious. And you don’t appear to be desperate at all…..stalker. ;]
@GoodGirl
I left a comment but it is waiting moderation from you ;-;
I wish I had one ):
I’ve only received four llama badges
I dunno….everyones sounded like they had tension
I know you know that I don’t like it
Why so self conscious? You have your own stalker
and I know….I’m quite desperate u.u
@attheend: you are the worst stalker in the world.
‘Lets just let her choose’
Totally defeats the point of stalking! What kind of stalker is that diplomatic?
The kind of stalker than GoodGirl chose duh o.o
Even if im a backwards stalker
she still wont choose another stalker XD
@attheend i fear that’s true. She so nice, even her stalker is nice. Urgh, it’s all so… NICE. It kinda makes me want to puke. You can have her.
lol next time you talk to her say: “Your such a nice girl that your stalker’s nice!”
Ahaha. I’m sorry she’s got some charm….I can be quite cruel if you wish it? I’m nice on here because I’ve opened up here. I can be quite the cold bastard. In fact if you knew me in real life I’d be the funny guy that’s an ass half the time, but you still love me even if I call you names and make you feel like crap cuz i make you laugh and am there to solve your problems with some added sarcasm and insults. That’s me alright. (:
I can have her? I already does? XD
LMAO @ one_day.
I’m not sure if I’d want a mean stalker. I like that you’re a nice stalker. But yeah, stalkers usually aren’t so diplomatic.
Anyway, four llama badges are better than none. I don’t have llama badges. lol
& I dunno why I’m so self conscious. I always have been. Now I’m wondering if it’s because when I was 10 I had this best friend and I asked her if I looked fat (yeah, i know what you’re thinking) and she said, “yeah”. It could have possibly scarred me for life and that’s why I’m self conscious. Idk.
Well that’s because you don’t even know what A DeviantArt is DUH…
That made me laugh and smile…lol awwie everyone’s kinda chunky when they’re young although some people are skinny we all have our baby fat…LIKE AT AGE 10!
u.u…you need a hug?
True, I don’t. I’m guessing you make art happen there? lol
Yeah, I know. But my friend was a *****, so that settles that. haha I was just theorizing what might have caused my self consciousness. I don’t really have a clue.
Yes. Virtual hug? :]
It’s a magical place…a bit like this only….minus the suicide XD
Ahaha I’m that kind of friend (:
Theories?…you kept looking in your mirror
You were a fat little baby and your mom never shut up about it
People you asked about your looks kept making jokes and you believed them
So many possibilities…=.=
I didn’t mean me and you would hug
I was just asking if you needed one… o.o
This is an awkward moment…
I don’t know if this place is that magical, but okay. lol
The problem with that theory is that I was a skinny kid. Have you ever seen the Jungle Book? My parents used to call me Mowgli, lol, because I looked just like that. Skinny, tan, short dark hair. I started gaining weight after I turned 10. Still not enough to warrant fat jokes from any one. So, I still don’t know why. I did get picked on in school but nothing regarding my looks; it was my style.
What kind of stalker would refuse a hug from the stalkee?
@goodgirl, some best friend! well I’ve seen your pic, you’re not fat at all. But I know what you mean, I think I was a chubby kid, now I’m 5 foot tall and weigh 49 kilos and my mum sometimes still calls me fat. I know I’m not, the only thing that matters to me is that I’m physically fit enough to do things like hike up a mountain if I want. Trust me, you got no reason to feel self conscious.
@attheend you’re probably one of those guys who acts like a jerk just to cover up the soft squishy centre. I’ll take the soft squishy centre any day
one_day, thanks. Jeeze, your mom seems so nice. lol And, I would tower over you, btw. I’m 5’9″. ;]
I know I have no reason to, I just do. haha
Is this where I can throw in the “short” jokes? 😉
strato dawg
Sure but she could always counter with “i’m not short i’m fun sized”.
@one_day
I ish one those guys xD
But no you would probably get the jerk
And he would make fun of you’re height c:
@GoodGirl
http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs27/f/2008/068/f/2/f207034fc7d0e7de.jpg
That’s how magical it is O.O
Oh LOL Mowgli?! Awwwie he always did look like a skinny girl ;D
And awww why your style? D:
And and omfg you’re so tall :c
Now I’m scared u.u…
And the kind of stalker that stares form a far while you make silly faces in the mirror
who keeps watching till you notice me and give me the usual, a wink followed by blowing a kiss LOL now one_day knows (:<
Ooo, that is magical. And dark.
lol Yes, Mowgli does look like a skinny girl.
I went through some phases like, wanting to be punk or goth or emo. And at my elementary school they were all close-minded. They didn’t like that I was different. When I got to HS it was a little better but, I still got asked all of the time if I was an “emo kid”.
Yep. That’s another thing because I’m a tall girl I always got comments about it. I was like, No shit, I know I’m tall.
Grrr…one_day can’t know! it’s our secret. lol
@goodgirl, I can see why you’re confused as hell! being called fat when you’re skinny… sounds like she was jealous. Or maybe she thought you were being provokative and trying to rub the fact that you were skinny in their face? Or maybe I am overanalysing again… But I do think if anything, you put a little too much stock in what other people say and how they percieve you. Start to trust your own eyes.
@dawg, whatever short jokes you want to throw at me, I’ve heard them. ALL.
She might have been jealous, one_day. Not sure. Keep in mind she was also really skinny.
sorry to jump in….but Dawg….what the hell is a cocknozzle????….and she’s laughing again
Thanx again Dawg….still waitingfor adviceon earlier question about the old man situation if anyone has any….lurking in the Landof Oz
Namaste All
@GoodGirl and one_day….i would say she knew your greatness and your beauty and your specialness….and she was just trying to keep you humble the best way she knew how….it may come to serve you well one day….but i hope not….just saying as a mother now….we know our children are gonna suffer in the big world at the hands of others….just suggesting sometimes….mostly unconsciously….we choose to toughen our kids up a bit before the world has a go at them….what do you think????
maybe that’s why my son hates me….lol…lightbulb moment….
Namaste
How old is your son amakua?
@GG – every size is “fun size” 😀
@one – I don’t know any really … the whole world is short to me … unless I’m at a pro basketball game 😉
@amakua – cocknozzle = asshat = jerkwad = douchebag etc. 🙂
… and i missed the question/request … sorry, I’ve been scatterbrained all day …oh … silly me, I forgot, I have no brain cuz I’m the brainless scarecrow 😉
proper PSI dawg
Thanks for asking GoodGirl….James is 30….am amazed he’s made it “THIS” far….but not to worry….he’s way too old and screwed up for the likes of you
But what about my lightbulb moment???…lol…did it make sense to you????….lol
Namaste
Oh my, amakua. I was thinking you’d say he was a teenager and it was just that phase where everything your parents do get on your nerves. but 30? Don’t know why he’d hate you. You seem alright to me.
@goodgirl – going through all those phases cries out that you want to belong to some kind of subculture… but then if you change so rapidly, people view it as inauthentic. Did I mention that I think you’re confused?! Anyway, school is another lifetime! No need to feel self conscious! (easier said than done, I know!)
@amukua, I know generally parents do what they think is best for their kids. I know my mother loves me, and I love her too, she’s just got issues (so do I) which just makes it really hard to be together. You’re right though. I remember when I was 16 and suicidal and I told her ‘I’m not strong like you, I can’t help it’. And she said ‘do you really think anyone is BORN strong?’ She has her moments. I am grateful to her for many many things. It;s just… really hard to be around her.
Lol, you know what it’s like when you’re in school and you’re trying to find where you “belong”. I didn’t belong with those kids and I knew. So I was trying to separate myself from them. I also happened to like the style of dress. They didn’t. Now, now I’m just myself. I wear what I feel like. I do put too much stock into what people say to me though.
I know right? DeviantArt is like a vault of wonderful art..
lol yes I always though so when I was a little boy
Ahaha…I know how you feel
When I first had short spike..I died the front spikes orange
People kept calling me gay…which was quite rude..since there’s
nothing wrong gay people and I am not gay. u.u
Then I started dying it blonde-ish…and they called me a steezer
Which they still do…along with this little middle school girl who has a blonde
patch as well..=.=
Um and since I wear a hood every chance I get they call me emo O.o…
But it’s okay I troll on them and put them down which is mean but oh well.
Ish okay that your tall…reminds me of the 5’10” girl I know…I lol-ed when she dated a friend of mine who’s…like..5’1″…. XD
And um….make her go blind so she can’t read our secret?!
Yeah, I went to school with kids like that too. Calling people gay or saying that’s gay. It’s rude.
What is a steezer anyway?
Well, if they’re calling you emo, it’s okay to give it to them back. At least you can stand up for yourself. Can’t say the same about myself.
lol It would be soooo awkward to date someone so much shorter than me.
I don’t think I can. She’s already seen me and isn’t blind yet.
so then Dawg….my next question would be….why would anyone call YOU a cocknozzle…..makes me laugh just to type it….seriously….am assuming it must have been in jest….kinda like the scarecrow reference…sorry about that
Namaste
lol I jsut read Amakua’s comment about Jame and GoodGirl it made me laugh so hard XD
And and AMAKUA YOU AND DAWG SCARE ME STILL CUZ OF THE CONVERSATION YOU AND HIM HAD LAST NIGHT…and also I hate my mom too…but I mean what kid’s don’t hate one of their parents or both?
Who’s talking to who? o.o….
i guess cuz at times I can be a stubborn asshat … just ask one_day 😉 … and you don’t have to apologize about the scarcrow thing – I found it funny – so I’m playing with it
immovable dawg
sorry attheend…is is okay to leave out the caps.????if not …won’t repeat….lol
you’re on the money about the parent stuff for sure….as to me and Dawg…there is no me and Dawg….poor Dawg….once again I apologize for my indiscretion….but truly…i could just eat him right up….yummm….lol….just another poke…i’ll try to behave now….no running Dawg…just funning…
Namaste even to the “asshat”????….lmao…remember i told u about my brother inlaw that i used to call that other name….won’t go there again….but….he was 6′ 7″ tall….and thick…crap…i said i was gonna behave….sorry again…attheend…lol
I’m guilty of that as well though…so I’m a hypocrite
A steezer? Search it up in the urban dictionary I’m too tired to explain.
Well that’s because I’ll stab a ho or two…or three…or more o.o
lol would it? 😮
I used to think a girl had to be shorter than the guy or his height at least.
Then I dated a girl who was a lot taller than me, and you know what I found out?
I don’t care about height. If I like someone I’ll give it a try. If you actually love someone then nothing else should matter. Then again I’m a hopeless romantic at heart..
Well, yeah, I said ‘that’s gay’ a couple of times….then I had a gay friend. And I realized how I sounded like an ass.
Hm…there’s a few different definitions for steezer. But I get the idea…it’s not a compliment.
Awww, att, that’s sweet. lol
I don’t have a clue what’s going on anymore. I’m engrossed in the land of chocolate. It’s orgasmic. I found a girls’ wallet on the bus the other day, when I returned it to her she gave me a box of Guylian belgium chocolates… christ I’ve forgotten how good these are!!! So you can keep your short jokes and stalkers, I got everything I need right here…
@ One_day
You don’t have me ;3
takes more than that to scare this old dawg … but your bro in law makes me look like a scrawny shimp
I know how you feel :l
I’ve done that a couple of times..
Ahahaha being a pot smoking steezer isn’t that bad
I just don’t do drugs except for my anti-depressants
And being classified really is quite insulting <..<
Yeah, it doesn’t feel good at all. At least I know better now.
Oh, well, there’s so many friggin’ definitions for it…didn’t know which one you might have been referred to as.
Good for you. Don’t become a drug addict.
@attheend…never did say really if this was all right with you….but from one steezer to another….lmao….it’s all good
@one_day….grrrrr….once upon a time it was a pound of hand dipped truffles….thanks for remindingme…..but alas….for me it will have to be a 99 cent can of frosting and a spoon today…hehehe….thanks….a lot…hmmm…going to go get that frosting right now…hm
@Dawg….just remember….he thought he was Moses….lmao….you’re good….trust me…lol
LOL … Moses … that would be a demotion for me
top dawg
ahhhhh good….when I saw GoodGirl mention more than one definition….my breath stopped…i thought what in the hell have I called myself and others now…..but it’s all good….got a big fattie to go along with the frosting
Peace
Dawg….I don’t doubt you in the least….remember what Dorothy said to the Scarecrow when she left him in charge of Oz?????….if not I will provide further dialogue…lol
I Love You Best of All….big hint
It’s all good
@Amakua
You’re a steezer?
If so…why don’t you have the patch?
You know the secret handshake? XD
I’m serious
o.o my comment didn’t add my
AND shush about the hopeless romantic part >.<
Well it's not a good thing regardless. Not for me at least.
I won't unless you do then maybe ;]
Who knew my stalker was a hopeless romantic. lol okay, i’ll shut up about it now. ;]
I’m not gonna do drugs, man.
@amakua, was watching george carlin, you seen this one?….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeLLR3LWtv4&feature=related
in – i don’t remember … i don’t even remember that the scarecrow was left in charge of O LOL
absent minded dawg
Well he’s stalking you and hanging on your every word
so what do you think? ;3 lol
Okay thanks (:
And okay you better not.
Very truuuue.
I wonder if all stalkers are really hopeless romantics? haha
I’m not. You better not either. :]
Thanks GoodGirl….I will watch anything George Carlin….my secret vice…lol….but will do so later….when i need a good laugh at myself…thanks
sorry attheend….didn’t mislead you purposely….only a steezer in the respect of our vices….old hippie chick here with a prescription….too old for any sports let alone Xtreme…..lol….mental picture of Memaw boarding….lmao….
Dawg….dialogue coming right up….lol
Okay. I hope you remember I posted it….you steezing hippie. ;] lol
Good people of Oz, this is positively the
finest exhibition ever to be shown —
(stammers)
— yes — well — be that as it may — I,
your Wizard par ardua ad alta, am about to
embark upon a hazardous and technically
unexplainable journey into the outer
stratosphere.
To confer, converse, and otherwise hob-nob
with my brother wizards. And I hereby
decree that until what time — if any —
that I return, the Scarecrow, by virtue of
his highly superior brains, shall rule in
my stead…assisted by the Tin Man, by
virtue of his magnificent heart…and the
Lion — by virtue of his courage! Obey them
as you would me! And – ah – well, that’s all.
Haha I hope not cuz then I wouldn’t be so special ):
I wont and you better not either
I do skateboard…but no tricks just cruising to get from point A to point B when I had my internship and last week when I had to do some research for my research paper o.o
My special stalker! lol
Nah, I learned how to not be a drug addict from my sister. She’s one…and it’s not pretty.
I can’t even stand on a skateboard without falling on my ass. aha
lmao at GoodGirl and at moi as well….a steezing i will go….a steezing i will go….
feels good to laugh if only for a moment….thank you
lol, amakua, your son James is missing out. For real. :]
So … then you’re saying i am the interim despot of Qz? Niiiie! I always wanted to command a battalion of flying monkeys!
uber dawg
Dawg, are you gonna make your flying monkeys hum a tune?
Awwwie…so sweet lol
Well that’s…good…in a way.
Haha I almost fall every now and then..
That sounds like an interesting sight though o:
😀
Yeah, it’s not good, but it is. Ehhh.
Oh, it is definitely an interesting sight. hahah
@attheend you skateboard, high five! me too! no tricks for me either, busted both ankles already and getting too old for that shite.. so I keep telling myself..
@goodgirl I should teach you how to skate. carrying a skateboard is great defense against stalkers
Gonna go cook some dinner ciao be back soon
lolol, but, I like my stalker. I would like to learn how to skate without falling my ass though.
lmfao….Dawg and GoodGirl….i had a crush on the witches head guard myself…..he made me melt….lol…..and pray tell GoodGirl what exactly you think my son is missing out on….lol
I’m melting…i’m melting…oh my beautiful evilness….lol….but did you see the guys eyes….man…..that’s what does it for me….oh yeah and a can of frosting….lol…..chocolate…mmmmm
ready….bring on the humming flying monkey brigade…me and my bridge gangsters can handle anything….lol
You are kind and caring and you say some very funny shit. What’s not to like?
@goodgirl – i kinda like him too. wanna flip for him, or fight for him? Oh, how the tables have turned!!!
ok I’m really going now
Back off, one_day, he’s my stalker!!
lol Okay, bye.
@One_day
How old are you again? XD
@GoodGirl
Hahaha she doesn’t need to attack her stalker she does the opposite!
And no don’t learn it’s fun seeing you fall on your butt o.o
r u talking to me GoodGirl….then i would say it’s a case for the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence syndrome….lol….and we all know it’s not real…just a matter of perspective…but as always…you are too kind
btw no luck rousing the flying monkey band and their leader….lol
lol Where is dawg? He never answered me about the flying monkeys humming.
Yeah, i was talking to you. well, i guess you know you better than i do. haha
speaking of grass….hmmmm…anyone got a spare paper????….i seem to be out….lol
flying solo now…lol
That’s illegal…lol
what’s illegal mwtele…in Canada here with a scrip….serious
don’t be all jealous now….had to die to get it…lmao
Hm…talk about a strange day. Today was weirder than yesterday. lol
Okay, you guys, I’m gonna go to bed. Don’t smoke too much grass, amakua. ;]
Just kidding around. I could get a script for my back but don’t like that stuff. I was just messing with ya…lol
Good Night GoodGirl…sweet dreams….you deserve them…..say one for me would ya…..can’t really kill me for asking….can you????….lol….been a pleasure as always….sorry i scared the Dawg again….if in fact i did….
No such thing as too much grass when you got no papers or pipe…lol
Night Sunshine
@attheend I am an old dawg at 30.
It has been a strange day. Goodnight all. Sweet dreams of X’s and O’s (hugs and kisses)
Hey GoodGirl….just wanted you to know that this old steezing hippie chick…..lmao……definitely didn’t forget your link…..
You are not only beautiful….you’re friggin’ smart as well….and you do smart ass well too….lol…..the most unfunny George Carlin I have ever seen….it was AWESOME….I just wish everyone would watch it now…..what do you think????…could you repost at the end of the site….it’s hard to find here….just wondering
would love for Niki in particular to see this one….just saying….right up her alley if you know what I mean….if not…no harm done
All Hail THE PROPHET…..GEORGE CARLIN!!!!!
Namaste
lol, I’m glad you watched it, amakua. It wasn’t funny at all but so damn true.
I will make a post with it, especially for you and Niki and anyone else that wants to watch it. Because everyone should. :]
hey there GoodGirl…..that would be awesome….but how do we advertise said snippet in an appropriate manner….lol
Skeezing Hippie Chick Out
Well, it’s up, so if anyone wants to go to the front page. or…. HEY EVERYONE GO WATCH GEORGE CARLIN TALK ABOUT BANKERS AND POLITICIANS.
lol
@One_day
And you still skateboard?
My lord…that is like…as old as my eldest cousin who has two kids :c
Ahahaha I can just imagine you’re 30 yr old butt walking around with your skateboard creeping people out xD
@Amakua
Canadians rock :c
One of my greatest friends was a 30 year old single mom from Canada lol
I think that sounds wrong…xD
nah attheend…..here in this society….it sounds about right…..lmao
thank you for the good press for Canadians….we need all we can get….big brother down south owns us too….lol
bye the bye….did you check out GoodGirl’s new post???….just asking…nice advertising GoodGirl….you’re soooo cute….i bet you friggin’ hate that word, now don’t you????….lol
Skeezing Hippie Chick Out
Amakua, about Canada, I think I’m going to deflect. Do you have a spare bed or couch for a “pool boy”?
OMG….Lon…how the hell are you…..big sigh of relief
funny you should ask…..one just became available….and the last guy that had the room i called my little “cabana boy”….you friggin kill me
totally serious….but how goes it….see the new label that darned GoodGirl stuck in my head???
Skeezing Hippie Chick Loves You….All of You….And There Really is no place like home…..ahhhh
shit Lon deflect???….did i misunderstand again???
serious about the offer….no strings attached….but a large room with a fireplace…that i got…lol
@Amakua
lol just about right that a little boy is talking with a single mom? XD
Ahahahaha and no problem…the Canadians I know are good people..some are a bit crazy but good people nonetheless and well Canada sounds so quiet in a global perspective…thas why o.o
What post? o.o
I’d be careful Lone3 o:
I had friend in Canada who ran out of her house naked…
Canadians are good people but they can be quite odd XD
welcome back Colonel!
canada is AWESOME if you can stand the cooler weather – I used to vacation up there arounf peterborough Ont.
I also hear BC is fabulous
warm weather dawg
@attheend….you’re killin me ….lol…..are you spying on me too….lol….i swear i only do it at night under a full moon and only when it’s friggin warm….lol
@Dawg….ever been to Bobcaygeon????….hmmm
sorry lost in a fantasy ….a memory actually….i spent amonth up there clearing brush one summer…..the Northern Lights???….now that’s a show and a half…did u get a chance to see them Dawg?
Considering ditching this whole mess. I have some cashola in my damn eBay account, then buying a cheap chopper and punching north. Amakua, you seem like a cool person. I can stay in the shed for all I care, I’ve lived in worse places and if there’s no artillery dropping its 1 million times better than where I lived this past summer 🙂
I’m thinking about deflecting to Canada myself. lol
I’m part french canadian already, so at least I have that going for me.
And do I really say “totally serious” a lot, amakua? hahaha
lol Lon…..don’t know where you are but you’re welcome unless you’re an axe murderer….had to put that one out….lol
but seriously…rent a car….you can walk over the damn border most places in the prairies….you can walk across at Niagara as well….just saying
sorry but the room has a walk-in closet…..a gas(sorry)fireplace….4 walls…2 windows….and a great big old floor….no roughing it for this old gal….damn hippies….and it is currently vacant and empty…..i’d loan you a few bucks….but that I ain’t got…lol…..
btw….ditched the post i had waiting for you sometime in the wee hours this morning….sorry…..but still a promise is a promise….and welcome always are you….now i sound like Yoda….crap….time for a refueling….fluids in fluids out….
Well I walked to the pier with my side arm Friday and there was a camera there. I really don’t want some fat rent-a-cop to be trying to talk me down between twinkie bites, so I walked to the bluffs. The perfect spot, *BOOM!* right into the surf. I did a few dry runs worrying that I was going to flinch and blow a hole in my cheak “Fight Club” style. I kept thinking of the fundamentals, the accronyn B.R.A.S.S.F (Breath Relax Aim Squeeze Shoot Flollowthrew) (that’s saved me in Iraq and Afghanistan in the past). I sat there for hours but couldn’t bring myself to move my frig’n stupid trigger finger 1mm on the trigger. F*ckn kept thinking about my God damn dogs and family. Walked home. Did the same thing Saturday night. I was embarassed to be on this website after failing to execute my plan twice. Mission failure twice. But felt more bad that you guys cared for some stupid reason and just wanted you to know I’m here.
Lon3, I’m not happy that you’re suffering but, I’m glad to know you’re still with us.
Is that on/near lake buckhorn? … I know it’s on the trent/severen … yeah that’s the ball park 😉 but never saw the “lights”
Magellan dawg
I’ve been gone from this post too long…
What did I miss?
and lol no I haven’t been spying on you
That and the friend I was talking about was thirteen at the time
which was like 4 years ago XD
And I only spy on GoodGirl you should all know that by now.
You better not be spying on anyone else. :]
catch up attheend and check out GoodGirls new post on George Carlin…..probably just as well you’re not spying…would hate to damage the young….lmao
@Dawg…..now that Dawg is a damn shame…..worth the trip….you should come on up sometime….just bone up on Neil Young and such….lol
I think everyone here should live in Canada….unless they’re mean….just saying
Not an axe murder. I’ve never even got a photo-traffic ticket for blowing a red light. If it comes to it, and it may, you can Google my name and get all my promotions to Major, my bio on the DOD website, my college degrees stating I graduated Cum Laude, I pop up on the Eagle Scout web page, my run times in local 5ks and a few newspaper articles about me in combat. Don’t worry , Amakua, I’ll suck on a revolver before being a burden to you or anyone else. I just was…”touched”…I think is the word? That you guys cared about me, so I wanted everyone here to know, I pussied out. Of course. And still here.
well Lon….you may be sorry you “pussied out”….but i think i speak for the rest of the supposed “clique”….we are thrilled you’re a ***** just like us…..only room for one Dawg….lol
and if you weren’t successful….perhaps there is a reason or maybe just a rhyme….but glad you’re back…not kiddin about the room…not kiddin in the least….but if i get a vote….i said if….you should probably just face the music and stay with your family….but if it gets too much….my offer is open….just remember….your solution of choice may not be the right one for you….i like my counter offer much better than my original offer….shhh….secret
Please stay for a while….but don’t scare us so long again….lol…we’re really just a bunch of pussified old marshmallows anyhoo….
YOU ARE LOVED
Thank as always Amakua, GoodGirl & Dawg.
Sorry Colonel – but you’ll find no one here agreeing that you are a “*****” in any way.
Fyi – there was an idiot SEAL PO3 that last thursday was “showing” his GF that his weapon – and to prove it was unloaded put it to his head …
… well they pulled the plug on him this morning … just sayin
glad you’re back
news dawg
I am loved? aww XD
lol jk Yes you are loved spartan o:
And watch what?
and and calm down GoodGirl stop getting jealous
AtTheEnd, thank you too 🙂
So it owuld be wrong of me to agree with the colonel? D:
I see suicide as one of two things…
Either ima being cowardly enough to kill myself
or I’ll be courageous enough to finally do it o.o
Geez Attheend….you been in my stash???….lol….GoodGirl’s new post on George Carlin….help me GoodGirl….lol
Roger that.
Um? *********** ***** **** *** no!
I don’t do drugs u.u…
and I shall not watch the video <.<
courage my little ones has never been in question…it takes courage to put your pants on in the morning….anyone here that hears is courageous….but I personally believe from my own experiences that it is more courageous to live with diversity rather than succumb to it….anyone who really wanted to die….would have…truth….we all just want to he heard and understood and accepted and loved
MEMAW out
You make a good point…
I shall strive to achieve my goal then.
AT – it certainly takes guts to go through with it and I think society’s view of it is shifting.
It used to be considered a cowardly cop-out to Exit – now I think they find that to be an ignorant way to view it since we know so much more about the brain and it’s chemistry and functionality
reassessment dawg
Here is the crazy thing. This whole thing to me seems like a dream…yeah sorta like I’m the lion with no courage…as someone discribed me their mind (But did the lion have sick abs? I digress). Here it is: Dawg is the SPIT’N image of my last girlfriend’s Ex-boyfriend…good dude, rockstar type turned out to be my buddy, Goodgirl look’s exactly, I mean EXACTLY like my 1st girlfriend in high school, all the facial
features exactly. And Amakua is like the hot older chick friend I never had…lol! Im serious, its weird. Did I accidently do acid and you guys are a figment of my imagination?
It can still be considered a cowards way out.
If you look at it as though someone is unable to face life
That they cannot bear to continue…so they choose run
Then it can be seen as cowardly
Or again it can still be courageous…to follow through.
I’ve always thought of it as one or the other.
It’s all a matter of perspective.
I try my best not to take sides on any issue(except political ones)
It’s best to be impartial lest we jump to conclusions and make fools out of you and me
now now attheend….uncross those arms….and tuck the lower lip back in….just a suggestion….you’re the one missing out….i’ve already seen it….lol
gotta take a break guys and take care of the baby….she is only 15 afterall….hope to catch you all later
Namaste
Todo? Where are you at?
“But did the lion have sick abs? I digress” ~ funniest fucking line of the DAY!!
BWAHAHA LMAO 😀
Laughing dawg
My arms are uncrossed o.o
I know Amakua.
You are echoing what everyone says
I was just agreeing that you have a point
either I kill myself cuz I really desire it
Or I’m just getting attention because I want to be hear
because I need help.
lol 15? XD
15 months? you said baby XD
seriously Lon….lol….I have to feed the baby….stick around….or maybe i’ll see you later…..truth is we have to eventually play all the parts….you decide which one
WIZARD
Well, you can’t. As for you, my fine
friend — you’re a victim of disorganized
thinking. You are under the unfortunate
delusion that simply because you run away
from danger, you have no courage. You’re
confusing courage with wisdom. Back where
I come from, we have men who are called
heroes. Once a year, they take their
fortitude out of mothballs and parade it
down the main street of the city. And they
have no more courage than you have. But!
They have one thing that you haven’t got!
A medal! Therefore — for meritorious….
MCU — Lion — shooting past the Wizard in the f.g. as he presents the
medal to the beaming Lion —
WIZARD
…conduct, extraordinary valor, conspicuous
bravery against wicked witches, I award you
the Triple Cross.
MS — Scarecrow, Tin Man and Dorothy watching as the Wizard presents the
medal to the Lion —
WIZARD
You are now a member of the Legion of
Courage!
MCU — The Wizard leans forward and kisses the Lion — the Lion reacts,
speaks —
LION
Oh — Oh — shucks, folks, I’m speechless!
leaving you in peace now
Lol! That was for you, Dawg!
Lon3, I look like your high school girlfriend? Weird. Trust me, you aren’t tripping on acid. We’re all real…I hope.
lol And I thought the lion having sick abs line was hilarious as well.
🙂 I just like to keep you guys smiling.
Oh no brother – that’s ALL you … I was bequeathed the Brainless Scarecrow 😉
air dawg
… or did you mean the “abs” line? which was PRICELESS!
SCARECROW
…brain!
TIN MAN o.s.
A real heart!
LION
Real courage. That’s what we want.
WIZARD
You do? boys, you’re aiming low. You not
only surprise, but you grieve me.
Why, anybody can have a brain. That’s a
very mediocre commodity. Every pusillanimous
creature that crawls on the earth — or
slinks through slimy seas has a brain!
From the rock-bound coast of Maine to the
Sun…. oh – oh, no — — ah – Well, be
that as it may. Back where I come from we
have universities, seats of great learning
— where men go to become great thinkers.
And when they come out, they think deep
thoughts — and with no more brains than
you have…. But! They have one thing you
haven’t got! A diploma!
MS — The Wizard reaches back and obtains several diplomas — selecting
one and presents it to the Scarecrow as Dorothy, Tin Man and the Lion look
on —
WIZARD
Therefore, by virtue of the authority
vested in me by the Universitatus
Committeeatum e plurbis unum, I hereby
confer upon you the honorary degree of Th.D.
SCARECROW
Th.D.?
WIZARD
Yeah — that…that’s Dr. of Thinkology!
SCARECROW
The sum of the square roots of any two
sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to
the square root of the remaining side. Oh
joy, rapture! I’ve got a brain!
SCARECROW
How can I ever thank you enough?
WIZARD
Well, you can’t.
evidently the scarecrow might have had some rockin locks? LOL
I like the scarecrow!
now do you boys get it….lol….so which role you wanna try out for next????…just kidding….about the tryouts….your parts are already cast i hope….
should i grace you with the tin man or have you had enough for now???
Skeezing Hippie Chick Out
After seeing “Wicked” I’m kinda down with the winged monkeys.
speaking of which Lon3….Dawg mentioned something about a band of humming flying monkeys or some such earlier in the post…..GoodGirl and I waited most of the night for the humming monkeys….but alas….they went to bed…speaking of which…where did GoodGirl go to????….dinnertime maybe….shrug
Ciao
I think the scarecrow did have a bad-ass hair cut? Dawg, you’re a shoe-in.
lmfao….Dawg and GoodGirl….i had a crush on the witches head guard myself…..he made me melt….lol…..and pray tell GoodGirl what exactly you think my son is missing out on….lol
I’m melting…i’m melting…oh my beautiful evilness….lol….but did you see the guys eyes….man…..that’s what does it for me….oh yeah and a can of frosting….lol…..chocolate…mmmmm
ready….bring on the humming flying monkey brigade…me and my bridge gangsters can handle anything….lol
Dawg:
So … then you’re saying i am the interim despot of Qz? Niiiie! I always wanted to command a battalion of flying monkeys!
uber dawg
GoodGirl:
Dawg, are you gonna make your flying monkeys hum a tune?
i think i also learned some new terminology this morning…..asshat and cocknozzle i think it was….lol…..just moved the posts down for you to see Lon3….the longest post I’ve ever seen….yeah GoodGirl….oh yeah and steezer…ayup….that’s me
I was just taking a little bit of an SP break, you guys.
Amakua, are you smoking the reefer right now? lol
seriously GoodGirl….when am i not an old steezer???…lol….oh yeah when Puff the Magic Dragon runs out of Little Johnny Papers…..lmao
Glad you’re back GoodGirl
Puff the Magic Dragon? I wish you hadn’t mentioned that, now I’ll have that song stuck in my head all night. lol
I’m not fully back. I kinda have a headache, so I’m gonna call it a night…at least for here.
sorry to hear about your head fred….i mean friend….lol….hope you feel better soon….maybe you’ll be back later….maybe tomorrow….till we meet again my little chickadee….
Love to You
Steezing Memaw