Something I wrote years ago expressing my only real goal. I was raised southern baptist. And while most people fell on their knees and bowed to god I wanted to be one. And I read some of the Torah, Quran, a lot on Buddha, the Hindu deities, Shinto etc. I figured that I’d wipe the slate clean and just give all beings the chance to create their own universe to their own liking and they could be free to interact or not as they will. None of this forced acquiescence and forced submission that currently exists. If so many ideals, rules, expectations, mores, traditions, religions, etc were not so mutually exclusive things would be easier. I guess this is yet another reason that I am tired of living and planning on dying soon. I figured maybe I could be like St. Germain and ascend to this power but it was not to be. Nothing else appealed to me as a long term goal although i respected those things. All other effort was to gain and maintain food, water, and shelter. Outside of that peer and family pressure made me get involved in interpersonal relationships which I really wanted no parts of. Yeah maybe one or two real friends but the rest just were there because of what they could get. Well I’ll probably be around for another year at the most. Because I have not save enough for my three months of debauchery before death yet. Gads.. my birthday is coming soon… maybe i’ll forego my last blast and just roll out.
Who knows. Whatever the case, for those of you who want help and life, I hope you get both in a positive manner. For those of you who want death, i wish you a peaceful and painful end.
Money is what some people chase,
Its security comforting their heart,
Material things that cushion their falls
The power that it allows the ones who master its usage
Hopelessness it brings to those who have little
Destruction it wreaks when coupled with harm
Yet it is only a tool.
Education that prepares one for gainful employment
The halls of academia old and strong
Tireless effort is needed to reach its pinnacle
Which means an understanding exactly as one is taught
Frustrating some and weeding them out
Propelling others to the limits of socioeconomic possibility
Yet it is only a tool
Intelligence is a many faceted gem
More valuable than any diamond can ever be
Common sense to avoid the traps of the world
Wisdom to allow learning from experience
Knowledge that adds to its power
Understanding to utilize the other aspects smoothly
Yet it is only a tool
Physical excellence is the sibling to intelligence
And completes the wheel of the Tao
Strength and agility for functional activity
Health and hygiene to maintain stability
Appearance and accentuation for outward excellence
Maintaining it is a never ending task
Yet it is still a tool
Emotion is the wild card of the deck
Or the black grain in a bag of rice
Love and lust to sear the soul and body
Compassion and joy to uplift the spirit
Sadness and fear bring the darkness
Anger and hate can defend or defeat
Yet it is still a tool
Spirituality is an intangible beast
Said to be the most powerful of all
In the right hands it can be an oasis
To whet the thirst of a needy seeker
In the wrong hands it can deceive and inveigle
Blind imbeciles it creates from unquestioning sheep
Yet it is still a tool
The collected gods of human belief
Are supremacy to those who follow them
Providing assets as well as debts
In the great game that is called life
Testing and pressing the human souls
For worthiness of an end to strife
Capricious and caring simultaneously
Assumed to be beyond human comprehension
These deities are revered and worshiped
And sometimes cursed and disbelieved
My quest is one of frivolity
Foolish, immature, silly and stupid.
Forgoing the success and joys of humanity
That are possible by doing as others do
What is this moronic goal you ask
That turns my mind to mush
I wish to become a god myself
And ground the other ones to slush
No tests will beings under me endure
No trials or trouble will there be
For if I become a being that can change reality
I’ll teach everyone else to be like me.
2 comments
Wow – really went into some philosophical thinking here. ( and sorry that I just can’t comprehend it all in my current mood, but I’ll try )
The world isn’t perfect, and neither are people – and that’s just something to realize. Religion may paint some different picture, but that isn’t it. Some people try to attain such ideal attributes – but come to no avail. Wouldn’t it just be easier if things were just simplified? If they were straight forward, no divisions between the people…etc etc.
So I gather peer and family pressure had you doing things you didn’t want to or care to? You’re your own person, so I’d say try not to let them have such influence over you. Maybe share your thoughts to help them understand you want a different path.
I hope you find reasons to live longer than just a year – and find some long term goals that you find interesting that’ll keep you going.
I won’t badger you on why to live and things like that and I think you’ve got it right: “[F]or those of you who want help and life, I hope you get both in a positive manner. For those of you who want death, i wish you a peaceful and painful end.”. I hope you find your peace.
Also I love the piece you wrote – easy to understand, I like what it’s about, and just plainly good. Not sure how else to compliment it.
Sorry for my idiocy, probably a bit delirious and may have gotten a few things wrong ( or a lot ) – but I felt like at least attempting even if I end up looking stupid ( plus you tried to help me, least I could do ).
Oh and early happy birthday 🙂
This was from when I still had a glimmer of hope.
That is gone now.
I am just waiting until surcease.
The peer pressure happened early on.
The expectations and all.
And after a lot of thought I realized none of it appealed to me.
Wealth would have been nice so I would not have to work for anyone else and could put certain ideas into fruition to maybe build infrastructure so the disenfranchised and disinherited could build and maintain their own success.
I’;ll try to help anyone if I can. Because a lot of people are damaged from the truth not told to them and certain illogical standards they are held to. All these kids on here…. damaged, hurt, it is so sad.
And the adults who lived through it but are having repercussions.