As a child, I always thought that everyone hated me, that the little kindness they showed to me was out of sense of commitment. This is strictly concerneing my family though, I never felt this from strangers. Members of my family abused me sexualy and when I went to the other members for help they dismissed me, as a reuslt I never trusted family. As I grew I realised that family really felt mostly a sense of commitment except two of them. I remember telling myself in my youth I would either die crazy or kill myself, since I was 10 earliest I remember and I am 23 now, and these thoughts never really left. I am a coward, I will not lie about this, however I want out, I want the pain to end. Death had to be painless and a sure way out, helium was my answer. I have read a lot of posts and got a lot of information about the process. The issue is that many seem to fail. Helium causes brain damage, this is my fear : Is it possible that it will cause enough brain damage to cause memory loss of example or in the worst case scenario make me a vegetable but not kill me? This is not about me becoming damaged and live as a vegetable and be a burden, this is about ending it. If you have any information about this please share it, thank you guys
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Derek Humphrey talks about the helium method in Final Exit ,
Hello Harkonnen,
Just thought I would bring you the other side of the argument…lol…
I have felt just the same as you….also a survivor of severe childhood abuse etc….also have other issues as well….but I am 50….not 15…and I am still here….so you really do have two choices.
You should also know that I have seriously attempted suicide 7 times…and I’m still here…and yes there is significant damage…but no memory loss…just the opposite actually….but chronic overwhelming pain…you betcha….so you should know that there is no 100% effective method of suicide….hey you don’t even know if you’ll be free from your thoughts even when you are dead…do you?….so let’s say you actually manage to destroy your body so that it cannot sustain life….and you find yourself in another dimension….with your memories intact…but now you can’t do anything about them….doesn’t that sound like hell to you?….it does to me….
I have also had several NDE’s because of my attempts….and now I am thoroughly convinced…suicide is not THE answer it is just AN answer….but it comes with even more questions…about the unknown….at least if you stick around and try to change your reality….you know what you have to deal with in this dimension, lifetime or whatever….so how is it you are more terrified of you and what you know than what you don’t know?
You seem to be walking the razor’s edge…I have done this since the age of 3….but it is dangerous until you are firm in your BELIEFS….so what do you believe happens after we leave our bodies….I know…do you?
Namaste
Amakua
I don’t know what there is after we leave our bodies…I can only assume. I pray that there is nothing, nothingness…The worst for me would be reincarnation…doing it all over again. I know my situation is bad but there is worst and I am grateful that I can consider suicide as a way out instead of torturing myself and those close to me. After my early childhood sexual experience and rejection from other members of my family. I sought it…how sick is this? I felt that I needed a male figure in my life to be whole, and I was never fully functional until I did. A 3 year relationship just ended and I must admit that it might be a trigger. Lately getting up and moving is physically painful and very straining. I am in university right now but I am failing, my marks are horrible and I don’t know what to do, my parents are very strict and extremely conservative…I cannot share this with them. If I do fail I will have to go back to living with them and I rather end it now than see myself living as a puppet in a cage again. I have no talent and I see myself failing at everything I do and hurt everyone I touch. I honestly think that this world would be a better place without me. I would cause pain to my family but after they recover it will all be better. I just pray that life after death is not as you describe, I pray that there is nothing or that hell is not as bad as you described. Hopefully my first attempt will be my last.