Just don’t know what to do anymore.

I am 12, almost 13. I wish i could have a normal, happy life. I just got out of an eating disorder treatment center, like 2 weeks ago. I still have to go back there for family therapy and doctors appointments and today, after i did my vitals(peeing in a cup and being weighed) they found something in my urine that was the first sign of starvation. And they said my weight has been dropping. I hate my life. I hate the way i look, i am so fat and ugly. I want to be skinny. I want to go to school online. I want to be happy.