My aunty is visiting me before I leave for college, and she is the prettiest of my mom’s siblings because she uses the most makeup and she is the “beauty expert”. The only downside to this is that she cares way too much about her looks and comments on other peoples’ too. I was at the mall with her today with one of my other family members, and she kept talking about how much smaller she is than I am, yet she still has more than double my breast size. She kept saying comments during dinner (we ate saucy chicken wings from her favorite restaurant) about […]
I have Social Phobia ( aka social anxiety), I always been the shyiest guy in school, college,diferent jobs. Missed classes in college cause of it, quit jobs cause of conflit due to bad comunication with others. Been to many job interviews and failed because of being so nervous, that since 2010 I tought I have to quit life, didn’t know when or how, but had to.
So I just tried to meet new places and walk a lot, while also searching for ways of dying. All of them seem painful so I ended up thinking maybe I could just buy some syringes with a large width […]
I’ve waited till now to make my first post, simply because the first two days without food and water has been relatively easy. Now the third day, I honestly have no desire for food though swallowing is becoming difficult. I am starting to experience headaches, probably because of lack of food and even getting down ibuprophren without water is difficult. It would be so much easier if the people that made the decisions towards legalizing euthanasia weren’t making the decisions. It’s easy to want to live when you have a 100k a year job house, wife, children and even family and friends. I have none […]
this may seem really weird, but im actually really excited to die. im counting down the seconds until i will have gone 10 days with out food or water. the only thing that i am kind of feeling iffy about is the fact that im goin to die fat. that really pisses me off big time. i dont know why, but i just really really want to die, it has become a lust, a desire, and an obsession.
I’m lonely. So much that I’m wondering if it’s possible to die of loneliness like starvation.
Why did you have to die, James? You were the only one who cared about me. I just want to be with you wherever you are.
Sometimes I just want to walk out of the door in the morning and just keep moving, never look back. I want to leave myself behind and walk until I collapse from starvation, dying on the ground unknown and forgotten.
“This fairy tale might be based on memories of the Great Famine of 1315 – 1322, which caused millions of deaths by starvation in Northern Europe. Catastrophic weather patterns produced greatly diminished yields in crops. The resulting calamity hit all echelons of society and many incidents of child abandonment and cannibalism have been documented by the chroniclers of the times.
Into this grim landscape come the innocent children, who are fully attuned to the gravity of their situation. Stripped of the protection and security offered by a properly functioning family, the children must make their […]
I go through these periods of withdrawal, when all I can seem to do is stare at the wall or refresh internet pages.  Other times I just feel sick or exhausted or down in some other way that I can’t explain.  I don’t seem to care about anything anymore.  Today I began a journal entry: About a year from now, I will graduate from  college.  In a little over a year, I hope to be dead.  I have a plan, which is imperfect: I want to disappear without ever being found.  I want my family to think I’m somewhere, alive, so that they don’t suffer. […]
Hello.I am new here,so I don’t know anything about this site,all I know is that I am seeking some kind of comfort right now,and this seems like the kind of ‘place’ where I can find it.I have seriously considered suicide a few times,but this is by far the worst time ever.Each time I attempted it I was 100% serious,and yet,as you can see,I am still here.I have started to ‘starve’ myself but it was not on purpose.I haven’t eaten literally anything in three days,not because I wanted to kill myself,not because I’m on a diet,but because I am feeling an unimaginable amount of pain and […]
i feel like i need to vent, talk to someone or just get away.
i don’t know why or whats causing me too since i took a weekend off last weekend.
i’m just sick of school, sick of feeling depressed and like crap all the time, i’m sick of not being able to talk to my girlfriend, just fuck it all
my thoughts of suicide have been on and off the past few weeks, the lesser of what they have been over the past month and a half or so.
thought about ways to go, like a simple bullet to the head, starvation, other things. I feel numb all […]
While loneliness is a major issue for me, it appears there are many others whose mindset is similar to mine, a desire to end it. While many of you are younger, and I am not, I seek someone to share one last road trip with. To the Lost Coast and Redwood forests of northern California. Starvation/dehydration will be my method. A few final days of music, nature, and a final enjoyable meal. I am not abusive or aggressive in any way, which is part of my problem, we meek and humble sorts just don’t function well in a dog-eat-dog world. […]
In reading the many comments here I am struck by the community of pain that we all share. There is strength to be found in this since it allows us to see that we are not entirely alone and that there are others out there who are suffering just as intensely. This is a comfort in many ways.
Over the past 2 years I have tried on no fewer than 4 occasions to end my life. After each failure I found a way to convince myself that “God wanted me to live”. I am now in the process of my 5th and hopefully last attempt. Rather […]
So, for my English class, I have to read Night by Elie Wiesel. I do not like reading about the Holocaust, because I am prone to nightmares. I don’t mean the fun kind, where you’re on a ship with Odysseus passing under Scylla and you know you’re going to wake up, because it’s a nightmare based off of ancient fiction. This is the kind of nightmare that you know real people lived and died, and there are pictures and film to prove it. Yes, the night I read the book, I dreamed that my school had gone Third Reich Etc Etc. I told my dad […]
So strange to be alone,
I don’t know how to do this
I’ve been alone before, but never like this
When do I stop hurting?
Can’t seem to forget her face
The love of my life… Now sees me as a monster!
Is all heartbreak alike?
I can feel my strength fading,
But is it from the starvation,
Or is it from the knife?
I recently watched a film called The Sound of Insects. The film really resonated with me because of the story it told. This guy was fed up with life, and he knew no body was going to come looking for him, so he disappeared into the woods and committed suicide by starvation. It took an enormous amount of will and the guy has to endure a lot of pain. He just sat there under a plastic sheet with a radio, a few books, and bed made of forest floor. I totally and completely felt for the guy, because I was the guy, to some extent […]
I have aspergers sydrome and i thought i would off myself before i reached 18 for many reasons invloling social life, future prospects and depression. I “practises” killing myself by starvation…i would not eat for a few days and that how i decided i would go. After around 24hours i lose the sense of hunger and my movements become sluggish, whether or not i can do it in the end i dont know like resisting tempation.
i didnt do it because i got into the second year of my college course, but i still have seveer depression. now i am saying to myself i will do […]
I have an extremely gifted mind, and have always been extremely mature for my age. I skipped over 7th grade the same year I moved here to New York. I’ve hated it. I cut in 8th grade, was suicidal, bullied for my lack of religious beliefs, and attempted starvation more than once. In 9th grade, everything for better when I met him. He was 16, but people who had met us always thought we were the same age even though I was 13. He made me feel wanted and appreciated and for the first time since before fourth grade, like I wasn’t alone. His […]
So, next year, i’m going to fucking kill myself. Why? i have no fucking idea. I’m SICK of my crap. I’m sick of this depression and social anxiety. I’m sick of myself. I’m sick of being invisible and lonely. I’m sick of thinking this way. I’m sorry to everyone who actual gave a fuck about me, when i’m gone things’ll be better for you. I guess, i’m making a big mistake and i’m sinning by doing this. And from seeing people, like in Africa, who are going through war, starvation and for the woman, who go through sooo much and get raped. Grr, it makes […]
My last post “no energy“ was posted on Sunday.
Monday i woke up for school, was very hot, but didn’t think much of it. i got up and felt really ill and my belly was tossing and turning, so i went to the toilet.
But on my way to the toilet i went the dizziest i’ve ever been, then i blacked out. Next thing i know i am on the toilet floor with my dad picking me up, then i blacked out again, i couldn’t have fainted again… could i? i woke up on the hall way floor and my dad peering over me saying my name over and over again.
I […]
I have a feeling. I don’t know what it is. It’s there, sinking like a stone through water. Any progress I’ve made seems, at times like this, to be nothing more than acrobatics on the way down.
It’s like standing in an empty field, devoid of all life, with permeating heat but no sunlight. There is nobody to ask for help, nothing to do but walk forward until you collapse from dehydration or starvation.
Everything is distracting. Like having your attention torn from something you were immersed in, over and over again. It’s frustrating. Nothing gets done. Soon, you forget what you were trying to do in […]
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