I am me.. Get over it.

I smile during pictures. I smile ’cause I can. I smile when my best friend Becca, takes my hand. I smile when I see you, because thats what is polite. I smile during the day. But I don’t smile during night. I step off the bus, and head to the house. I say “Thanks for the ride” and look down on my phone, more drama has arouse. I close the door slowly, hearing it creak. The hardwood floor echoes my sobs and my shreaks. I am not happy with my looks or my smile, they made me insecure. I question life for a while. I am home alone, I slam my bedroom door shut, I lay on my floor crieng out loud that im a slut. My mascara is running, my backpack is spilled open, the heart you broke a long time ago is increasingly broken. My hair is in a knot, my face is dark red,  I keep crieng and crieng hoping soon I’ll cry enough I’ll be dead. I scream to the Lord that im a sad mistake, the pain is intense, and i have made all the mistakes i can make. I take off my sweater and throw it aside, I reach for my scissors, and pray I wont survive. Just as i cut my arms and text Becca “Never Cry”, I hear my old friend, telling me otherwise. My friend that has passed, back in fourth grade. I can hear her smooth voice, running through me like lace. The air is warm and soft, and my tears subside. I see her faint face, why is she crieng? She says “You have a meaning, you fill people with laughter, if you leave the Earth, many will follow after.” Her light body fades away, and i drop the scissors, my jaw is frozen and my heart is singing. The next day, people laugh and call me a fail, I look them in the eyes and say “Your judgements have gone stale”. They choke on their words and snicker away, I am the boss. I am damn right here to stay. They can stare and point and crack jokes till they drown, to me it appears their checking me out. Got a problem with me, I’ll settle it fast. Come over here and tell me whats so fuuny. I want to laugh. Seeing your face now makes me throw up, to think I was friends with you.. SHUTUP!? You and your clique can go laugh at yourseleves.. I am not the fool. I am myself. I am not a mistake, I have a strong meaning, whats my name? Maddie the queen.