Hi , um , i don’t actually know where to start … My name ? I’m Hanna … How old am i ? I’m 14 … And i’m tired of life …
I’m a happy person , i smile when im around friends … but when i go home ? Disaster … my mom , she yell’s at every single thing i do , if I get a good grade at school , she looks at the older , badder grades . It’s like , my family hates me , Â I don’t have a father , all i have is my stepfather , and he’s , bad , he touches me , hes abusive …
I cut myself , because I don’t have anybody .. No best friend , i had a bestfriend , Â but we had a fight , and didn’t talk to each other for 1 month , and in that time ,she went bad … She smokes , drinks , cut’s , doesn’t go home .. She has new friends , friends I don’t know , friends who don’t like me …
School ? um, i have friend’s there , but , there only from school , I don’t talk to them outside school … I like this boy… i think he likes me  , but , aaaaaaaaaaah , i don’t know … Then there’s my ex , THE ONLY BOYFRIEND I HAVE HAD . He want’s me back .. but , i don’t like him anymore … he’s sooooo sweet , he wrote me this . : ” Hanna , you’re my drug … Time is the police … If i cant have you I’ll just die .” , it’s soo cute … but , i just won’t change my mind … The other boy who i like / LOVE, he’s soooo perfect , i like him soooooooo much , but .. he sometimes , doesn’t even notice … So jeah .. i cut , my so called “friends” yell at me because of that , but they don’t really care … I cry myself to sleep at night because I just can’t take it anymore :'(
I’ve played the game , what is it called , ” the hanging game ” , i think . It’s when you put a rope around you’re neck , and tie the other end on something .. then bull , or just hang … till you’re head start’s to spinn . Sometimes i go out , and look at the road ,the car’s , and i think ” why wont i just jump ? I would die ,i would be freee from this shit …” but no , im to scared … I don’t want to hurt my ex , or my baby brother …
I had a grandpha , i lived  with him for 12 year’s , then he got cancer , and died …. he was my best friend , i was sooo happy to have him . I miss him soo much … i cant think about him , because i start crying … I miss him .. he was the only one who understood me … but he had to die , and i had to stay here .. alone .. with nobody …
All i need  , all i want , is a friend  , a special someone , a good family .. but no .
I_need_help .!
20 comments
I think you’re fairly normal, for whatever that’s worth. You’re not alone which hopefully helps.
I’m alone , trust me .. and i don’t belive this is normal , my life should not be like this . . ;_;
Whats normal?
nothing ,my life isn’t normal , just , not …
Are you sure your not me because a lot of what you said is me too. I’m the same age and everything. Im here if you need to talk. You definitely aren’t alone.
All on this came from my heart … i would love to talk with somebody .. thanks .:)
It sounds like you could use someone to talk too.
If your step father is touching you in a bad way, like hurting you or touching you sexually, you may have all sorts of bad feelings inside that need to get out.
You are much to young to deal with this on your own.
Peace
I have nobody to talk with . I’m all alone , in this world . -.-
It is definately NOT normal for your step father to touch you or be abusive. Is he abusive to you or someone else? Is he touching you in a sexually inappropriate way? This is wrong on many levels – firstly, it’s sexual harrassment. Second, it’s paedophilia. Third, he’s cheating on your mother. You should talk to someone about this and there are many services to help you.
You can try talking to your mother about this. But f she is always yelling at you, maybe she won’t understand… I don’t know, you know her better than me. If you google the phrase ‘sexual assualt’ I’m sure you will find many crisis hotlines where you can talk to someone about what to do next. You are not alone, there are many like you who have gone through the same thing.
i cant talk to my mom , if i tell her , she will never smile again , or she wont just belive me … and i cant tell anybody , cause i can’t see my stephfather to go to jail , my mom just gave brith , and it would be hard for us ….
Hanna, if you ever EVER need anyone to talk to, I am here. Just email me and I will respond asap. I understand what you are going through. My grandma died last year and she was the only one who really understood me. I will always be here for you. I can help you.
aw , thankyou .. 🙂 i think im gonna email you ..
Trust me when I say I exactly what you mean. I’m 14 as well and I too live with my Mother who yells at me all the time, sometimes for no reason at all. She even gos as far as to hit me when I try to stand up for my self. I don’t know my father at all and my Mother has had a series of boyfriends who like to come to our house and get drunk heavily.
Also ever since I started high school with my friends we have all drifted apart, and gotten new friends, well…they have. unlike you I’ve never had a boyfriend (not quite attractive enough I guess) but I do have this crush on this boy who I also think likes me back. The only problem is he go’s out with my “best friend.”
I have tried suicide once (worst mistake of my life), and sometimes I even stand on the edge of the road as cars go pass, and think to myself that just one more step and it could be all over and I can finally be in peace, no more pain.
As you said you had a grandad who obviously cared for you, I had a grandma who too died when I was young. She was like my safe haven, where I could flee to when I was troubled.
Because of all this I cry my self to sleep nearly every night knowing I have no one to hold and comfort me.
But If you need some one to talk to Hanna then you can email me… (EmoBunny4Eva@hotmail.com.au)
I’d me more then happy to talk to you, who knows maybe we have more in common.
Cathy
i’ll email you . :/
Who cares about being normal. Would you rather be this or tttTthHhhHhiiiIIIiiiiisSsSsSs! If you need to talk here’s my email siana_Campbell@Yahoo.com don’t think to change to be normal is no fun. Every time I told my mom I wanted to be like everyone else she said go to the dark side they have cookies. Its some weird mom lingo and I just interpreted as meaning be different 🙂
cookies .xd
I understand what you’re going through, but cutting yourself is not the answer!!! Life does eventually get better. Try asking the boy is he likes you. About your ex, most of them still do have feelings for you. Some last a lifetime, some are temporary. Try telling him that you’re not interested anymore. But don’t be harsh about it. Nobody is normal. Is there even a correct definition for normal when you describe a person? We all have flaws, but don’t take away you’re beauty by cutting. I have scars to last me a lifetime, but you need to see how beautiful you are. Please stop cutting yourself. If you anyone to talk to just email me at shaymarie2014@gmail.com. I’d be glad to help in any way I can.
i can’t , that boy i like … he’s like .. i dont know , i love him , when i listen to Three Days Grace – without you , i think of him … but my ex ? he allways calls me , he cares soo much , i cant hurt him , i just cant …
Just try and be as nice as you can. If you do that you cant say you were rude or harsh to your ex. Just ask the dude you like if he does. If he doesn’t that is his lost and if he does ya!
three days grace is an awesome band. My favorite is animal I have become. 🙂
Wow , you listen to three days grace .? I love them . 🙂
Every single song is in my phone , i listen to them every day . 🙂
About my ex .. i can’t say anything to him , he thinks he still has a change , when I broke up with HIM , he cryed . so , i don’t want to hurt him again …