I’m the type of girl to put on an act to keep the world off my back. Even when I’m trying to push them away, I actually just want someone to stop me and tell me I don’t have to pretend anymore. I’m the girl who sits in her room crying, thinking back to the past and wondering how I ever made it this far.
Everyday I go to school and pretend to be that happy girl you’ll find in every class. Everyone buys my act and they think I’m happy, that nothings wrong, but they’re all wrong.
There will never be a time where I’ve never been depressed. Either because of life in at school or my life at home, or the voices in my head that constantly torture me.
I’m the one who always:
- Looks in the mirror and cry, refusing to look at my own reflection, too afraid to see the glass shatter.
- Cries when nobody’s watching or late at night when everyone’s asleep.
- Makes up stupid yet silly excuses that explain why I’m not eating.
There’s never been a time when I’ve thought to myself how I have no purpose in this world. I am simply useless and wondering this vast area. I’m never good enough for anything. No matter what I say or do, I just am not.
When everything began, I never thought it could get any worse than it already was- but then it did. The blow came harder than I expected. No one notices how far I’ve actually gone. From small, unnoticed cuts, to a battlefield. To the point where I have nowhere else to draw canvas. Every day, every hour, every minute, and every second: I’m getting worse.
Nobody understands. They don’t know that I would lie awake at night praying not to wake up the next morning. Or at least, to rid myself of the voices and wake up, realizing it was all just a dream but I gave up on that. This is life and for me, it’s a living nightmare.Â
“Why can’t they understand?”
“What did I do to deserve this?”
“I’m tired.”
“I want it to end.”
1 comment
I love this. This is a very good writing. I’m Amber & I feel the same way you do! If you ever need to talk, email me aamberx3@gmail.com or comment on here. keep your head up!