I do not believe that I will live to see the next year. I have no exact date yet to fulfill my plan, but I do not believe that I can carry on much long. I still have many things to do, to make things as painless as possible for my dearest ones. There so much to do, but in the end I’ll be at peace.
For years I’ve been handling this feelings, but nowadays I mostly feel emptiness. I’ve been tired too long to carry on anymore for long, and I’m sorry for that. I’m just too tired and empty. I just hope that they can forgive me, expecially my love. She’s the reason I’ve made it this far, and I can’t imagine my life without her.
I hope that I’d have the will to go on. I wanna enjoy life and be there for my beloved one, Â But I know that that is not going to happen, so I’m ready to take the easy way out. Â I don’t deserve her, I never did. I’m too unlovable and useless for her, and I’m scared that someday she will notice that. She deserves someone better, but I don’t want to lose him. With being selfish I’m going to ruin her life, so I know have to let her go.
As I write this, I feel peaceful. My path is not still at end, but I know that soon my suffering end soon. Maybe someone can understand me, maybe I’ll be forgiven and forgotten. Maybe I’ll never know.