Author

10 Nil

I think I am sick. Certain health issues that arose 2 years ago have recently gotten worse and more frequent. I don’t want to see a doctor even though I am uncomfortable and in a bit of pain. I don’t like medicine. Strangely enough, I have had the urge to try LSD. I have never done drugs or really been interested in them. Well, I tried pot when I was younger, foolish, and pressured – it was not for me. I enjoy drinking wine on occasion. I keep thinking about partial suspension hanging…

A few people have called and tried to reach out to me lately. I […]

2/9/2015 5 comments

Games, Fame, and Shame

by 10 Nil 2/6/2015

written by 10 Nil

I cracked a smile this week – some things are such a good distraction.
A positive thought or two, but I feel too mentally frail and tired to act.
And now I am back to my misery and despair.
Perhaps I can stay distracted until I fade away.

2/6/2015 6 comments

Getting older and growing bitter

by 10 Nil 1/31/2015

written by 10 Nil

Reminiscing feels unhealthy. I am taxed with the question, “When will you settle down, get a wife, and have kids?”

I do not want kids… I do not want marriage. Why should I want these things when I do not believe in love anymore. The thought is beyond exhausting. I had always believed in giving someone all of my heart when in a “committed” relationship. Despite good intentions, best efforts, and more than several long term tries – it seems all I earned was heart ache;

• Incompatibility

• Incomprehension

• Infidelity

• Insincere Involvement

All that I am left with is • introspection… it must be me. My fault. It cannot be all of […]

1/31/2015 3 comments

Death is a sure thing – why does society frown upon it?

by 10 Nil 1/31/2015

written by 10 Nil

I have no one to talk to. I do not expect those that are in my life to understand. I have seen them feign seconds of interest only to direct conversation to themselves. Besides, my feelings and thoughts would only raise false concern and patronizing remarks – if history has shown me anything. Over the years I have learned to bury my emotions inside and isolate myself.

Lately, pretending has been hard. I am sure my smiles seem forced. I have lost all mental fortitude and I can longer stay composed. I want to be alone. I do not want to die. I only wish to not […]

1/31/2015 2 comments

10 Nil

10 Nil

Thoughts on LSD?

Games, Fame, and Shame

Getting older and growing bitter

Death is a sure thing – why does society frown upon it?