Author

alex11222

"I hurt myself, it doesn't hurt. I buy what I want, I don't' want it. I do what I like, I don't like it."

Anyone know this quote?

by alex11222 4/18/2022

written by alex11222

This basically sums up my life. I can’t figure out how to break the stupid cycle so I find bad coping skills after bad coping skills and damage myself in the process. It’s impossible. I keep buying stupid stuff but I don’t need it and in an hour I won’t even want it. I cut myself for years and it was scary how little it hurt. At times it hurt so bad I couldn’t do it and that’s what hurt. I do stupid things to like act confident and end up embarrassing myself. I hate it so much but I can’t stop doing it.

Does anyone […]

4/18/2022 2 comments

Can Anyone Relate?

by alex11222 4/18/2022

written by alex11222

Day after day, minute after minute, I live in pure frustration and desperation. I want to know what’s wrong with this head of mine, but I can’t figure it out. No doctor or therapist will truly listen to me but that’s beside the point. I need to know why I am the way I am because not knowing is killing me quite literally and I don’t know what to do. I can’t trust anyone. I am sensitive, so people’s words and actions are very powerful. If someone tries to see my scars for fun or because “they have to” things don’t end well. […]

4/18/2022 0 comment

How Can I Be Less Alone?

by alex11222 4/14/2022

written by alex11222

I’ve tried recovery countless times, but each time I failed and relapsed. I don’t know what to do anymore. It hurts so bad, I can’t breathe. I tell myself I have no real reason to feel this way because I have all the support I need, but it doesn’t help if I don’t know how to trust anyone. Every best friend I’ve ever had has left me more broken than before, so I’ve given up on having friends. I tell myself that the people I call friends are my friends so I’ll feel less alone. I pretend to trust them, but I don’t. I tell […]

4/14/2022 1 comment

Does It Ever Get Better?

by alex11222 4/12/2022

written by alex11222

I hurt myself over and over, my body is riddled with scars that remind me every day of the pain I feel. I don’t know whether to hate them or love them. They’re part of me, the part most people can’t accept. I’ve tried to get better before it got this bad, but I failed, I’m not strong enough to break free from this violent addiction. I’m supposed to be better now, but I’m not. Last week I could have sworn my depression was cured, I was happy, genuinely happy which I hadn’t felt in a long time, but one small comment is all it […]

4/12/2022 1 comment

Running Out of Time

by alex11222 4/12/2022

written by alex11222

Three months ago tomorrow, I ran away. My parents had just found a bunch of pills in my room that I had secretly bought from the store. I thought it was hopeless, I couldn’t even kill myself without getting caught. Three suicide attempts and three other close ones, and I can’t even rid the world of myself. I’m supposed to be recovering after being hospitalized for three days, spending 45 days in residential, 5 therapists, and having all the support I could ask for. But the thing about having support is that it isn’t that it doesn’t matter if you can’t bring yourself […]

4/12/2022 1 comment