The love i have for you.. makes me want to kill myself sometimes. i love you. i loath you. i just want to die so i can stop feeling these feelings! someone come kill me.. come tie the knot around my neck and let me hang
I continue to dream about you;
think about you.
You’re always on my mind.
Why can’t you stopping running through my head?
What’s going on inside is nothing kind,
just painful reminders thatIi lost
and that she won.
There are a million things i wish to say,
but it’s not like you’ll care anyway.
Used to be your soulmate,
planned our future and so many wonderful dreams.
At this rate,
things will never turn around.
Our love will never be found.
She won your heart while you still had mine.
Who am I kidding?
You still hold my heart,
just not the way you used to.
We had everything any couple wanted.
I was the envy of all my friends.
“You’re so lucky to have fallen […]
well i know my friends okay. physically. and for now. the next few weeks will be really hard.. but hopefully we will all get through it.. but now i only have to worry about how she handles everything, and what she does day to day.. i will have to be patient and make sure that she knows im here..
Hoping for the best
Ready for the worst.
Death is easy
Life is hard.
Knowing’s painful
Ignorance is bliss.
can things actually work out to be okay..
I want to die.. not that i wanna kill myself exactly.. but i want to die.. i want to see what the other side is like.. is it better? is there a heaven? a hell? will i become someone new, with a different life? I think about My Sisters Keeper, when the little girl says something about there only being so many souls in existence, they just keep being placed in different bodies, both human and animal. if thats true.. i hope my next life is extravigent and beautiful.. and if not, id love to be an animal.. i lion maybe? strong. fierce. king of […]
im worried that my sun flower is gone.. i have not seen or heard from its beautiful soul. i just say her last night.. but i know what could have happened if anything happened at all
Sunflower pleasee..! i need you..
Last night my best friend and i were at her boyfriends house. she had skipped her dance class due to an anxiety attack caused by her mom. so she ended up meeting me at her boyfriends house to chill for a little (by chill i mean to help her chill out and relax). but when she has anxiety attacks or panic attacks thats when she cuts herself. and she took something that i was not happy with, but i understood why she did. i held her hand and we talked. she was going to come home with me to hide and get away from her […]
I just ended a year and a half long relationship a couple months ago, and i have met someone new. hes really sweet, has some depression problems like i do.. i like. It’s more of that butterfly feeling in my stomache? we ended up fooling around a little more than i had honestly planned, which made me curious.. does this mean something serious? in a way yes i want it to lead to a relationship, but thats because i am a monogamis type of person. but i mostly just want this to be an open thing, nothing official, but that were “talking” i guess? he […]
I think my anxiety is
-stress related
-social
-mental
-emotional
Everytime i am stressed, or have a busy schedual my anxiety levels shoot through the roof. I always seem to manage through the stress and the anxiety, but its when the anxiety attacks occur.. that isnt so pretty.
socially, when i am around a lot of people that i am not familiar with, i tend to become very anxious. this tends to get worse in small spaces and when my surrondings are at a very high volume. its even worse when its a small space and its very loud..
mentally and emotionally im just fucked up.. just fucked up… those anxieties never […]
I’m sitting here now, at work, behind the desk at my own dance studio. im surronded by kids that i know and that im friends with, and there are parents all over the place. they look at me and talk to me and all they see is my outer shell.. they have NO idea whats really going on inside my fucked up head. None of them know about my previous eating disorders, my cutting, my drinking and smoking to escape reality. they know little things that happened, only because the problems were made public. other than that, they think that i am all put together. […]
I have a million things that I want to type but I dont know where to start.. I honestly feel empty again. I suffered a few years ago with suicide, but I was somehow able to come out of it.. A year or so later I became very depressed again and started to be suicidal and starting cutting. I hate saying that.. I cut. Not because it’s bad or wrong, I just don’t like the sound of it. Anyway, somehow i was able to tell my mom and i was able to get the help i needed. i was put on medication and seeing a […]
Blue Caterpillar with Very Interesting Words
you cant take what he says literally.. think about his words.. what he says is really deep. it got me thinking about who i am.. and what i am.. maybe his words could help you? might as well post this, itll be worth it if it helps someone else
A simple question from a simple childrens movie.. “who are you” asked the caterpillar… “Why, I am Alice!” the small girl says.. but all I can hear is the caterpillar saying “Who Are You?”. and i have no idea who i am.. well duh im only 16.. but who am i? Where am i going? whats gonna happen to me? I know parts of who i am.. my best friend in the whole world has helped me realize who i want and who i  should be.. but she also has made me realize the type of person i really am. She relates to my problems, she is […]
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