i’ve always been alone. for as long as remember, i’ve been alone. After what seemed to be a lifetime, I had found someone who knew me as i wanted to be known. I found someone who…loved me as I wanted and needed to be loved. but now, she’s gone. I wake up in the middle of the night crying bitter tears. I cry till my heart gives out and I pass out. I’ve lost the only thing I’ve ever cared about. and it hurts in the deepest broken pieces of my heart.
I’ve felt, for a couple of years now, the same damn emotions. is that even…its hopeless, I’m not even sure why I joined this site, it’s always the same. no hope.
I feel so alone, hopeless, anguished, crushed, so inadequate, so incompetent, and just so sad….this gut wrenching, soul sucking, back breaking…heart breaking sadness…
and I tried, I truly did as one last fight before I welcome the cold, dark, dead hands of suicide.
it’s not a good start I know, but I’m on the edge. and I try and try to hold on even when I want to let go.
But, I’m torn. I’m so…torn between letting go and holding on. I’m holding on for the love that burns me whole, for the woman that held me anchored to this earth for almost six years. the more I try and show her my twisted heart the more I push her away into another’s arms. and my heart bleeds. it just makes it all the more harder to keep the promise I made her, to be there for her […]
What is it about truths that we look for them in every aspects of our existences? What makes them to be “the right ” thing? when has any truth ever helped anyone?
The earth revolves around the Sun, that is true, but how the Fuck does that matter. Do we live for the knowledge that the earth’s mundane rotation can somehow give us enlightenment?
The thing about truths is that they depend on your perspective. here’s a case in point, just a few hours ago, I told the woman of my dreams that I had once loved another before I met her. safe to say […]
I’ve heard somewhere that people with some form of disability usually end up having dysfunctional relationship. Not because their physical disability, though it’s a factor too, but because of their world view. they usually misconstrued “hanging out”as real romantic affection. this usually happens when there is a deep seeded inacceptance (if that’s a word) of themselves. And when someone lends a helping hand or acts sympathetic, they feel as though they have finally found a person that is better than them(only in the sense that the person is accepting), and so, worthy of their love.
what I’ve found about myself is that, because I am…highly […]
I am so full of hate…despair…anger…hopelessness…desperation…that I feel as though I would explode. and I usually do…and like a black hole’s singularity, I collapse up on my emotions. there I’m lost in the silence that follows the chaos I’m surrounded with,
I’ve longed for death since I was a boy of 10. I don’t know how or why it started, but the darkness in me out grew me. the depression engulfed me. the sadness drowned me.
and in my few sane episodes, I boil with the anger that pushes me to madness. in those moments of my own version of sanity, I look to the […]