suffocating or drowning

I’ve heard somewhere that people with some form of disability usually end up having dysfunctional relationship. Not because their physical disability, though it’s a factor too, but because of their world view. they usually misconstrued “hanging out”as real romantic affection. this usually happens when there is a deep seeded inacceptance (if that’s a word) of themselves. And when someone lends a helping hand or acts sympathetic, they feel as though they have finally found a person that is better than them(only in the sense that the person is accepting), and so, worthy of their love.
what I’ve found about myself is that, because I am…highly critical of myself that to the point I deem myself unworthy of life; I seem to always fall in love with someone that gives me a bit of attention. and have the nerve to feel hurt when that person ends up not sharing my delusional affection.
Suicide is the sincerest form of self criticism.