I DON’T WANT TO LET YOU WIN! I REALLY DON’T! .. but its the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face and it hurts so so bad. I want to fight but only for so long. I want to be better, I don’t want to feel like this anymore. Why can’t it just stop. If there are miracles then why can’t I be blessed with one. I fucking deserve it. Why can’t I just go to the store and end up with my soul mate. Why am I so alone? I don’t know if I’m strong enough anymore. There is still something there though, this little tiny […]
Its almost time to really get started on my planning. On Wednesday I’m going to see my therapist and I will try and talk about the end. I really hope she understands where I’m coming from, but she will definitely help me in my decision. There are so many times where I feel like I really want to and then times when I don’t. I just wish I could talk to someone fully about it, someone who is on the same page as me. Â I’m so alone and stuck with a million reasons to end my life. One of the best being how much everyone […]
Its been almost 2 days since me and him said our final goodbyes.. I’m feeling better, but it still hurts. I miss him so much and I try to focus on the good times but they just end up making me sad. I know that I shouldn’t do it but I keep checking his Facebook everyday. Mostly just to see his face, but since I know that he is talking to someone else maybe I also just unconsciously check to see if the relationship status changes .. He said if they went out, he wouldn’t even ask for at least a month, but I can’t help but […]
I have to wait till Wednesday afternoon to see my therapist. I think I will have lost my mind by then.
Everytime I think about it my heart races, I feel sick, I want to die.
It feels like my heart is going to explode, I slightly shake. I don’t even want to think about it.
I thought I found the perfect guy. He seemed like everything you ever wanted, he was, but he was too different from me. I am pretty poor, and I don’t have many achievements in my life. He has it all, he has even admitted to never experiencing anything bad in life. He’s got some money, college, a good job. His family didn’t truly give a care about me because I had nothing. They never […]
The thing that I hate the most is how much emotional pain I know that I am in. I’m always in it, but sometimes when bad things happen I get into a real state and I just wish I would die that instant. But now its been several hours later and I feel the doubt that’s completely creeped in.
I know that I don’t have anything to live for. I know that I will never be happy, but just like everything else in my life I think my fears might end up fucking me over in the end. What I fear is what happens when I […]
I don’t know how many people believe in psychics. My mom’s boyfriend is clairvoyant and I had him read me with my suicidal thoughts in mind. I had him do two readings (picking the cards, reading them, then shuffling them, and doing it again) to be sure. He told me to think of the question I wanted to ask (one that can be answered with yes or no) while I shuffle the cards. (I have to shuffle them to put my energy in them or some mumbojumbo). In my head the first time I asked if my suicide attempt would work. The second time I ask if […]
I’m 21, (ya I know I’m young) .. My whole life has been nothing but suffering. I’ve been bullied since I could remember. I’ve had my ups and down’s but have been depressed for many years. It’s at its worst right now. I don’t have a licence, I don’t have a job, I don’t have highschool, I will never see college. I don’t even know what I want to do for my future. I don’t even see me having a future. My boyfriend left me because he “doesn’t love me” anymore. He can’t understand what I’m going through. We still talk. He’s going to be dating someone […]