bah

It all seems so pointless…

Yup, when life is depressing, one eats and buys crap to feel better.  Sadly, this lasts o’ so briefly.  Then we feel bad for eating/buying too much crap we don’t need.  But we continue to rinse and repeat.  But hey, everything was on “sale.”

We know it’s empty and fleeting, but we can’t help but do it anyway.  I would go get something to eat, but am too lazy to make anything.  Good ol’ laziness…only thing that trumps eating…

I used to have hope.  That things will get better and eventually I’ll have a good life and not be depressed anymore.  But after 30 years of constantly trying and struggling with my mind and my life, I no longer have hope.  I feel like I’ll be this way for the rest of my life- which doesn’t offer me much incentive to go on.  Yet, this is reality.  After 30 years and still like this, the probability of it all going away isn’t very likely.  Sigh.

This meager and painful life is what I have to look forward to.  That’s just great.

Life, meh.  People, double meh.

Humans are either assholes or just a huge disappointment.

I feel so alone, so alone in this world.

Why can’t I ever be happy?  After 3 decades of trying, I don’t think it’s possible anymore.

Sigh.

I am all alone.  I have no friends, no one that cares about me.  I don’t understand why I was put on Earth to suffer.  So many things have happened to me- it’s like life has shitted on me since I was 7.  I’ve been abused and traumatized.  And 4 years ago, some asshole decides to not stop at a red light and mauls me while I’m trying to cross the street.  Now I have permanent damage to my body.  I’m in pain 24-7, and it’s getting worse.  I’m not sure why the cosmos have decided to shit on me my entire life, but I […]

Why were we put on Earth to suffer?

It all just seems so pointless…

How can I continue to trudge day in and day out when I have no purpose?  When I have no reason to go on or get out of bed? I am really trying to find a purpose, a reason, but to no avail.  I just don’t care about anything, and that is the worst of all, when you just don’t give a sh*t about anything.  It’s been like this for the last 7 years, and it’s absolute hell.  I really want to find a reason to go on, but I just haven’t found it, and as it drags on, I grow more restless.

such assholes.  Either that or they’re just a disappointment.  Or they’re annoying. Ugh.  I am tired of ‘humanity.’

It hurts so bad.  I want my pain to end.  Hating the fact that I can’t get myself to end it.  Being in “limbo” (not living, not dead) is the worst.  Each agonizing day of merely drifting along, with no purpose, with no reason, with no one, and just endless loneliness and pain.  Three decades of pain- it’s enough.  How much longer will I have to suffer?  I am not strong enough to endure.  I do not want to endure.  All that awaits me is more pain and suffering.

I’m tired of nothing working right for me.

I’m tired of my life being so shitty.

I’m tired of having no one.

I’m tired of forever battling with my emotions and with depression.

And I’m tired of trying.

you know people around you don’t like you and don’t give a crap about you?

I could ditch them, but then I’d be alone, and with nothing to do, I’d stay home and mope even more and be more depressed.

Easy to say just make new friends.  But I haven’t made a real “friend” in years.  I just don’t understand why I can’t connect with people (or why people can’t connect to me), and why people don’t like me.  How can I get people to like me?  Like for real?

I sort of have people to hang out with sometimes, but it’s not real.

when no one gives a crap about you.

It’s hard to get up every day when you’ve tried so so hard to make friends, make connections, and yet still no one likes you or truly cares about you. It’s like, why bother living when no one cares?

:'(