I’ll hold out for 2 more years. But if things don’t change by my 30th birthday, then I’m going to do it on that day at midnight. I’m tired of being stepped on, cast aside, lied to and generally fucked over, but I’m willing to try to make things better. This is the only promise I can keep in regards to taking my life. I’ve already written most of my letters to loved ones, letters of apologies and I’ll make sure I put them in a place where they can be found. I just hope that I won’t have to use them.
I’ve pretty much stopped eating and am down to 98b lbs (and I’m 5’4), so technically I’m in the danger zone as I’m told. So why isn’t my body shutting down already?!?!! It’s really the only method I have access to, without causing too much suspicion. just taking too damn long…wISH i could just fall asleep and never wake up, but nooooo, my body is like freaking energizer bunny, it just won’t hurry up and shut down. I want to go be with my grandparents. Hopefully, it’ll only take just a few more months, it’s sucks that it’s such a slow process….
I put up a front everyday for the people around me. It really is exhausting to pretend you’re happy. Everyday when I get home, luckily it’s mostly to an empty home, my roommates are rarely around, I break down and cry and cry. I just want everything to end. I just wish someone would just kill me.
I just don’t want to be here anymore. Lately I really have just lost the will to care. I can’t really go to my family or friends with how I’ve been feeling. My family would probably put me someplace and I really don’t want my friends to see me in this light. I’ve been in therapy practically all my life and it hasn’t helped. I can’t even go through all the medication I’m on. My appetite has gone to complete hell, I just don’t want to eat anymore. According to my bmi, I’m extremely underweight but in a way it makes me happy because hopefully […]