bitbucket

bitbucket

I am male, 57, living a mid-size city in a southern state. In 2012 I was in a bicycle accident and fractured my spinal cord. Mostly paralyzed from the shoulders down. Hospitalized for 3 months, came home in a wheelchar. I'm doing physical therapy and exercise 5-6 days each week. Now I'm walking, but lose balance easily and stumble like I'mdrunk. Can't raise my arms above my chest, can't lift mre than a few pounds. Fingers hands, feet toes and arms are numb and in pain, even with 3 painkillers. Need help dressing showering, toilet, walking, etc. I've almost reached the 18- month mark when spinal cord injuries have almost finished all the healing/recovery they'll ever do. Also have other chronic medical issues. Family and friends have been amazingly supportive. But I just don't want to live this way. No freedom independence privacy, getting older too. Arms are just sticks hanging from bony shoulders. Before accident I was a gym rat, worked out hard in gym 2-3 hours/day 7/days/week. Well-defined proportioned muscles, 6-pack, 25-year-olds said they wished they were ripped like me. Now I look pathetic, and people stare at me wondering whats wrong. I hate this life and see nothing ahead but pain and sickness and dependence.