https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGzu-YqE3Vc
I meticulously fantasize of suicide i die 1000 times
inside my head and late at night i hear the wind
I feel the death blows by semi trucks
and I don’t give a shit about myself I want to jump
but then I think about my family
and the people that surround me and i..
This song is pretty sad but expresses my feelings on how I want to kill myself but I think of my family and of not wanting to hurt them by doing so…
I relapsed again today. again…
do any of you ever feel like you will never, ever get better? like it is impossible for you to ever be normal or happy?
that’s exactly how I’ve felt for the longest time… i thought I wanted to get better but maybe deep down I don’t… i just can’t… I cant get better and I cant really explain it better than saying my body just wants to continue to sink and linger in this hole of depression.
i think this could be because of how I am.. no one as sensitive or as pathetic as me could ever exist normally in this […]
I pinch my fat in the mirror and wonder, why? Why is this still here? Why am I not strong enough to stop eating or at least excercise more to get rid of this horrible thing? Many people say I’m “thin,” but they are just saying this. My thighs are thick, my stomach is far from flat, and i can’t stand to wear anything revealing, even in private.
I can’t stand to look at my face in so I try to avoid mirrors. Why is my nose so small, my forehead so big, my eyebrows so light, and my mouth look so weird and stupid, especially […]
Do you ever actually have a good day for once, and then it takes a sharp turn?
i had had a decent week. People had actually talked to me, I slept and ate better than usual, and I didn’t feel as bad as I normally do.
However, I came home today and it slapped me in the face. Depression.
“Why did you think you could escape me, you pathetic fuck? You will never be normal, you aren’t allowed to feel “happy.”
I stagger up but depression shoves me back down, towards my razor blades.
“No one will ever fucking love you. Those people you think like you, are […]
Do you ever worry about forever, about the fact that time never stops?
I currently feel like I’m going to throw up; I am worrying so much about the thought of an infinite time continuum. I just can’t wrap my head around it.
Think of a line that keeps going. Never ends. Never. That’s time, and with a universe or not, it’s going to keep going on. Forever.
fuck forever. It’s so scary, so unknown, and I’m so afraid of it. I’m not sure why, i just can’t think of how horrible it is for something to have no end. It’s so so so so terrifying and i […]
When I was younger, crying felt good. I would usually cry about not having things go my way or someone saying something mean or some stupid thing like that, and after crying I would feel better.
It’s not like that anymore. After I can’t cry anymore, I feel even worse than I did before. I feel like I fall into a void of utter hopelessness and depression. I just lay on the ground and feel like screaming at myself for being such a waste of space. It just feels so terrible, like my entire body is sinking into the ground and I feel so very alone.
Today […]
there are 7 billion people on the planet. i dont matter i never will i am worthless and stupid and fat and ugly and i dont matter. let me disappear
I can’t get out of bed. And that’s one of the main reasons why i hate myself so, so much.
I hate myself for doing nothing, for being unproductive, for being a worthless failure. I hate myself for being so fat and ugly and not trying to do anything about it.
My whole body feels numb and heavy, and my eyelids droop, yet at night i can never sleep.
Why am i like this? Why can’t i be like the girls at my school who have their lives together; who are on the school teams, have friends and significant others, who have no serious physical ailments, and who […]
https://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/bulldog-eyes-asleep-02-gross.mp3
Song: Gross by Bulldog Eyes (asleep, track no. 2)
“You’re so fucking gross // you know the blow lands low”
this band is very nice and deserves a lot more recognition for their lo-if music. really kind of helps when I’m feeling low
do you ever feel so useless and depressed that you no longer feel?
after feeling angry and sad for so long i’m starting to only feel numbness. i’m starting to accept the fact that I am useless and will never be skinny or pretty or talented.
i’m too lazy and too far gone to try to “improve” myself and work on trying to get my life back together. when I try to think about feeling “normal” again I immediately realize that that is impossible and absurd. I will never and can never be happy again.
Im such a burden to all who are around me and I’ve been […]
Do you ever look at someone else and wish so badly that you could be them? In fact I’d rather be anyone else other than me.
“Me” is ugly, gross, flawed, useless, unworthy of life and love, unathletic, selfish, jealous, and just an utterly disappointing piece of shit. Funny how I can list tons of negative adjectives about myself but can’t think of a single positive one. Guess it just goes to show that I really am a worthless loser.
When I see my peers, family, and other people on the street I strangely feel like they’re “showing off” even if they aren’t talking about […]
I am so tired of living.
So tired of being a burden to everyone I know.
I’ve grown up in a large town, with a loving family and a few friends. I’ve never been the popular one or someone others have envied. That’s probably because of all my flaws and how much of a failure I am.
I’ve tried many sports in my time, hoping I was athletic and could be like the girls who were. However, when I played basketball the most I would ever be in for a game was 2 minutes, or none at all because the coach knew I sucked, and I realized it […]
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