Do you ever look at someone else and wish so badly that you could be them? In fact I’d rather be anyone else other than me.
“Me” is ugly, gross, flawed, useless, unworthy of life and love, unathletic, selfish, jealous, and just an utterly disappointing piece of shit. Funny how I can list tons of negative adjectives about myself but can’t think of a single positive one. Guess it just goes to show that I really am a worthless loser.
When I see my peers, family, and other people on the street I strangely feel like they’re “showing off” even if they aren’t talking about themselves. Their confidence just automatically makes me jealous and feel useless.
I just always feel like everyone will always be achieving their dreams and being confident, pretty, and amazing while I will always be the ugly girl sitting all alone in the corner, useless and sad.
I also get jealous of couples. I’ve never had a boyfriend and everytime I see a couple I feel sick and angry and jealous. I know I shouldn’t feel this way and it’s wrong and rude but I can’t help myself.
I’m also jealous of every single girl I see. I always, always feel like they are so pretty and confident with boyfriends and I feel like they all judge me for being such a ugly, useless person.
As you can see I am a horrible human being who deserves to die, hopefully one day I’ll have the guts to kill myself and rid the world of my pitiful existence.
15 comments
“Do you ever look at someone else and wish so badly you could be them?”
Me- YES. ALL THE FUCKING TIME
In fact, I feel EXACTLY like you. I hate me and my life and who I am
Your subconscious is just telling you that you should try to be your best self (whatever you can work with), because you “envy” that which appeals to you in others. So improve upon your own positive traits, then you won’t compare yourself with anyone, as you’ll know who you are, and no one can take that from you.
I CANT FUCKING STAND MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!
Im telling you, I feel that feeling almost EVERY day
Im telling you, I feel that feeling of wanting to be someone else almost EVERY day
Oddly enough no. I would probably be useless even if I was the king of the world. So that’s I guess why not.
So first I would like to address your claims that you are useless and the world would be better off without you. I highly doubt both of those. I’m sure you can be very useful to someone, maybe even to yourself? And I dont’ think the world would be better off without you. Probably, it would sadden lots of people. It would sadden me, anyway.
Second, there is that thing of seeing other people’s happiness and confidence and feeling jealousy. I think most human beings can relate to that, because it’s a very human emotion. Feeling that way does not make you a bad person, or even harm anyone else. It does not mean you deserve to die. It just means you feel jealous. You’re allowed to feel jealous.
But the thing is, you can’t really do much about those people strutting their stuff, so-to-speak. They may be intentionally showing off, they may not. Regardless, they’re gonna keep doing what they do. You don’t need to concern yourself so much with them. You can do your thing. It does not really depend on them that much.
The same with regards to feeling judged by other women. People will judge you sometimes. Or sometimes you will think they are judging you. But again: You can’t change that. People do stuff like that. But you don’t need to take it that seriously. It’s just their opinion, it isn’t universal. It isn’t somehow TRUTH, it’s just what they think at that moment in time.
Then there is the thing about boyfriends and such. I understand the desire, I think most people want to be in good relationships with exciting people. And I’m sure you can be. It probably makes it harder that you are so hard on yourself and unwilling to see the positive sides to you, and what you have to offer. But I think that’s practise. You have practised finding fault with yourself (as have so many of us on here). But you can practise finding good things about yourself too. You can!!! You do it the same way: You just regularly try to come up with good things about yourself. I’m sure they are there. You just suck at remembering them. If you had a test about your strengths and appealing traits, you would fail! 🙂 But you can remedy that by practising.
So basically, I’m sure rooting for you, and it’s okay to be jealous, but those people are at the center of their own universes, and they will probably keep doing their thing regardless. But you can do your thing. And you can be kind and compassionate towards yourself and practise noticing the good you do and the good about you.
Hugs and good luck. Please stay alive 🙂
Thank you so much for the reply, it really means a lot ? I hope that anything you are struggling will disappear and I’m rooting for you as well
My pleasure, and thanks for your kindness 🙂 I’ll treasure that. Take care 🙂 Hugs
I’m envious of those who don’t have mental illness and those who have an optimistic outlook on life.
The other day my therapist asked me to write down things I liked about myself, I couldn’t name one…so I know how you feel.
It’s practise, my friend. It’s natural to find it hard the first time. I’m sure if you do it regularly, you will get better at finding good things about yourself.
Me too, my therapist also asked me to write things down about myself and I couldn’t think of a single thing… therapy isn’t helping me at all yet. I hope things get better for you and know that you are a wonderful person who deserves life and love
I don’t want to be anybody. Waiting to be nothing again.
“The grass is always greener on the other side” But you’d never know if that grass that appears so perfect could just be plastic and dead inside. What you see in others are just a moment in their life, you can’t see all the horrible sh*t they’ve gone through and you’d never know if they had it worst than you just by looking. People have live through hell and conquered it and that’s their story. Stop concentrating on all the covers on other people’s books and start writing your own story. You can’t compare yourself to others just as you can’t compare ethnicity. Other people’s confidence is just the results of self-cultivation and building a healthy relationship with themselves while you’re doing the opposite; you’re self-sabotaging and probably don’t even know it. That nasty voice in your head is your worst enemy so don’t listen to it and don’t let it control you. If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change something, change your attitude. Nothing, including your past, defines you unless you let it.
Go ahead, kill yourself; kill the person you hate, then be reborn as someone else, the person you want to be. You have the potential and you have the choice.